Finding Ziva
by chrissyjoy
Summary: Set after season 6 finale/Aliyah: the team finds out Ziva was captured and rescued. Story focuses on their feelings, dealing with seeing her hurt, in the hospital, & as she wakes. 4/7/10: "Chapter 21-Ziva's POV" is now up for your reading enjoyment! ;
1. Author's Note

**FINDING ZIVA**

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, so this is my very first attempt at a fan-fiction story, but since I'm addicted to NCIS and desperately need an outlet for my anxiety as I wait for Sept 22 (Season 7 premiere! Yay!) I figured I'd create a story out of my random musings and scribblings. This story is set after the events of "Aliyah" and it is about the team finding Ziva again. Not entirely sure of where this story will go, but I have a good deal of it in my head, so I figured I'd try to get it typed out and share it with you.**

**I've read so many good stories on this site about this topic, but I still wanted to try my hand at it, especially since my musings are somewhat different from those I've read. However, sometimes I've seen similarities in the things I've been thinking and/or scribbling down already and the things I've read, so I fear that what I have already read may affect my writing…and therefore I apologize if I inadvertently use anything someone else has come up with. As far as I know, this is MY thoughts and ideas…this is my own work.**

**So there you have it...hope you enjoy. Reviews would be greatly appreciated, especially suggestions and things that you like/don't like (constructive criticism only, please!) and maybe things you think I should add. **

**~ chrissyjoy**

**BTW: I don't know if I need to add this or not, but I see disclaimers on many stories, so I'll add one just to be safe... **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own NCIS, I don't own the characters, I will be quoting some things from scenes in the episodes, but the story you are about to read is simply fiction, from my own thoughts. Okay. Hope that's good enough. :)**

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	2. Chapter 1

**Note:**** Quotes in this chapter are in italics....they come from "Semper Fidelis" and "Aliyah." This chapter is mainly background from those episodes and setting the stage for the chapters to come, therefore it is quote-heavy.**

**Also, I'm writing in present tense for now, but that may change later cause it's harder than I thought, but I didn't want to change the first few chapters I've partially written :)**

**Enjoy!**

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She lies motionless in the bed, unaware of her surroundings, unaware of her injuries, of the pain. Mercifully unconscious, she sleeps peacefully…

_____________________________________________________________

The silver-haired man knows he must sleep, so he leans back in his seat and closes his eyes. Neither the cramped airplane seat nor the surrounding noises bother him; he has flown in much worse and he has learned to sleep at any time, in any place… yet he finds he cannot sleep, for his thoughts race wildly about in his head. He thinks back to the events of the last few weeks, snatches of conversations now swirling randomly though his mind…

----

_Rivkin is dead. Tony killed him._

_You saw it?_

_I saw enough._

_Ziva, you have to tell me everything._

----

_Leon's gonna be point man in a major operation._

_Who's the enemy?_

_That's the problem…it's our friends._

_The Israelis._

_Top priority. Ever since Director Shepard created that unorthodox position of 'liason officer.'_

----

_So we got nothing?_

_No, actually boss, we got everything. … We got serial numbers, names, and cell phone numbers all linked to various locations in North Africa._

_And that's not all, Gibbs. Um, we were able to decript Rivkin's email account… Gibbs, Rivkin was emailing Ziva._

----

_Ziva…_

_I know what you're going to say, Gibbs._

_No, I don't think you do. _

_I know you think I lied to you, but I did not. You asked me if I knew him, you asked me if he worked for Mossad. Not if I was seeing him..._

----

_I had new intel. I went to talk to Ziva, question Ziva._

_DiNozzo…._

_When I got there Rivkin attacked me and I had no choice._

_DiNozzo._

_It was justified._

----

_I was betrayed – by Mossad, by my father, by Tony. Who's next? You?_

----

_She withheld information, Duck._

_To protect Rivkin. Someone she obviously cared about. Ziva has always remained an officer of Mossad. I certainly don't envy the position that she just found herself in. Considering her less than conspicuous background, it's amazing she ever had your trust._

_No, she earned it._

----

_I'm not sure we can work together. Perhaps it is best if one of us gets transferred to another team._

_Transferred?_

_I need to be able to trust the people that I work with. I know you more than anyone understand that._

_Take care of yourself._

----

_You think she might ask to come back?_

_I'm just giving her time, that's all._

_Time for what?_

_To remember who she can trust._

----

_I guess she'll call when she's ready._

----

The noises in the cabin fade as he finally drifts to sleep…wondering what the next few days will bring for him and his team.


	3. Chapter 2

**Note:**** I had a close call with my computer almost dying on me, but it seems to be working for now, so here we go. Second chapter is now up and here's where my story really gets started. Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think!**

* * *

Gibbs swerves dangerously in and out of lanes in the tiny rental he picked up at the airport. He is not usually the safest driver in the first place, but today his driving rivals that of Ziva's. Unbidden, a memory floats back of when she had first joined his team. He knew he had no choice about having her on his team and though he did trust her, it didn't change the fact that he had still been too upset over Kate's death to allow her to do anything yet. Well, except for drive back from that first crime scene with DiNozzo and McGee.

----

_She almost killed my entire team today._

_How?_

_Driving home from a crime scene._

_I should have warned you… I think she was an east-European cab driver in a past life._

----

The silver-haired man laughs softly at the memory. He wishes she were driving, wishes she were still on his team, wishes she was almost anywhere but lying hurt in a hospital. The guilt he feels over leaving Ziva in Israel nearly overwhelms him and he cannot stop second-guessing himself. True, he hadn't known why she was staying or the horrific events that would follow – no one had any way of knowing about that – but he still feels he should have followed his gut and made her come back with them.

Almost missing his turn, Gibbs wrenches the wheel to the right. Glancing at the map again, he assures himself he is on the right street. He runs a hand over his face in exhaustion. His thoughts kept him up most of the night on the flight here, and he wonders how his team is faring. _By now they should be on the plane, _he thinks. Though he does not believe in coincidences or chance, it was certainly good fortune which allowed him to get a military flight the same night he got the news. The rest of the team were able to get a flight together on a commercial airline leaving the next day, but he hadn't wanted to wait a second longer than necessary. Thankfully, Vance had pulled some strings to allow him to fly out almost immediately.

He arrives at the hospital and checks with the desk in the lobby as to where he should proceed. He reaches the room and slowly enters, but stops dead in his tracks several steps into the small room. The former marine has seen more than his share of horrific sights both in the battlefield and in the numerous cases he has investigated, he has even been warned about her extensive injuries, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight of this strong woman lying broken and battered on that hospital bed, bruised, scarred, and bandaged almost beyond recognition.

Waves of anger sweep over him toward those who hurt her so cruelly, and he takes a deep breath and forces himself to exhale. He moves closer to the bed, and looks at her still form surrounded by all the machines and tubes helping her to breathe, providing nutrition to her emaciated body, and doing various other functions he cannot even begin to guess. The only movement he sees is the rise and fall of her chest. Ever so gently, he places his hand lightly on her arm, trying to avoid the various bandages, splints and casts. "Oh, Ziver," he sighs in pain, his heart aching for her, "what did they do to you?"


	4. Chapter 3

**

* * *

**

3 days ago:

"What do you got, Abbs?" she hears the voice before she sees him enter her lab.

She turns to face him without her usual enthusiasm, even though he holds a Caff-Pow for her, as usual. She doesn't even grab her favorite drink from his hands. "Well, I got a match on the blood, it's all from our victim. The knife had several partial prints that didn't belong to the victim, but I wasn't able to match them to anyone in the database."

He watches her as she responds, once again concerned by her behavior. He knows it has been tough on the whole team since Ziva left, correction, since he chose to leave Ziva, but Abby and Tony have been taking it the hardest. Over her shoulder, he can see sticky notes posted with the length of time the Mossad officer has been gone…3 weeks, 4 days. Abby took it hard, learning that Ziva hadn't returned from Tel Aviv, but he'd thought she'd eventually accept it. So far, it doesn't look that way. Abby moves around at about one-third of her usual hyperactive speed, and while it is nice to get a breather, he thinks, he knows it isn't normal or healthy for her to be moping around so much.

Tony, now there was a different matter. He isn't moping around, but is actually doing his work the majority of the time, probably working hard in an attempt to put things out of his mind. The grey-haired agent worries a little about Tony, knowing from experience that one cannot work the pain away, but the younger agent seems determined to try anyways. The things that worry Gibbs the most, however, is how short-tempered Tony has become, and the fact that almost anytime Gibbs glances over at him, his cell phone is in hand, waiting on her call. Of course, in typical fashion for the senior agent, he refuses to call her phone, hoping, believing that she will call him instead. And each day the phone remains quiet, Tony delves deeper into his work and gets more irritated with others over the smallest things.

"…which was totally weird, and I couldn't get a match on the prints in the room, either. It looks like someone wiped over the surfaces they touched to try to erase the prints..." He tunes back in to what his forensic scientist is saying to him about their case, just as the computer beeps.

"You got a match on those prints, Abby."

They walk over to the screen, and she takes a look. "No, that's not from this case," Abby replies in a tired voice." Those are the prints the Director had me run for a couple of John Does rescued from a terrorist camp in Somalia."

Gibbs frowns slightly. "John Does? Deceased? Or amnesia?"

Abby shakes her head, pigtails gently swinging back and forth. "Neither. They were found in uniforms, but no dog tags, and apparently they're unconscious in some hospital over there."

"Okay, thanks, Abbs." He puts the Caff-Pow into her hand, then kisses her on the cheek, "Let me know if you find anything new about our case."

____________________________________________________

"Where's that list, Michaels?"

"I don't have it yet, Agent DiNozzo."

"Well get it done! What's taking so long? I asked you for it twenty minutes ago!" he responds sharply, receiving a headslap in return as his boss enters the squadroom. "Hey!"

Gibbs moves toward his desk with a fresh cup of coffee, ignoring his senior agent for the moment. "McGee, update."

"No news on the BOLO yet, Boss. I'm comparing recent calls and transactions between our two victims right now."

Gibbs turns to the other agent standing before him. "DiNozzo, what do you got?"

DiNozzo sighs. "I called all Erickson's family I could get a hold of and didn't get any useful information. I'm waiting on a list of numbers for Cole's family," he added, emphasizing his annoyance with a glance toward the newest team member.

Jessica Michaels gives a soft sigh of relief as Gibbs just grunts and goes back to his desk. She sags slightly in the chair at her desk at the outskirts of the bullpen. It's been a long two weeks on Gibbs' team, and not just because of that man's gruff way with his team, though she is finding he more than lives up to his reputation. But no, the main problems come from the senior agent, Tony DiNozzo. From the very first day she joined their team, he has snapped at her for almost everything. She wonders how much of it has to do with their former teammate who left, as she resumes typing.

Gibbs' cell phone rings. "Yeah …good work, Abbs. On my way down." He grabs his coffee and calls out, "DiNozzo, with me. Abby's found something."

Halfway to the elevator, the phone on the lead agent's desk rings. He walks back and picks it up, "Gibbs." The team watches as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration, then hangs up. "DiNozzo," he barks out, "go see what Abby's got." With that, he heads the opposite direction, and climbs the stairs.

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**Note: Thanks for adding this story to your favorites, and for the reviews I've gotten so far! I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so please review!! This one's a little long, but I really wanted to end there with this chapter. The next will probably be a bit shorter, but oh well. : ) I'll try to get the next part written and posted Thursday or Friday.**


	5. Chapter 4

******A/N:** Short, yes, but here is the next chapter, as promised!! I was vague about the rescue, b/c I don't like writing about what I don't know. I apologize for any errors...no clue who'd be doing the rescue, if there'd be marines captured over there or whatever. This just works for my story so I'm doing it. I don't own NCIS or the characters…this is all my own work, no infringement intended.

**Correction:**** In the last chapter it said "3 days ago," but it was supposed to say "2 days ago." The events in the previous chapter and this chapter happen 2 days before the events in "chapter 2" (where Gibbs arrives at the hospital and sees Ziva).**

**

* * *

**_**Previously: **_

Gibbs grabs his coffee and calls out, "DiNozzo, with me. Abby's found something." Halfway to the elevator, the phone on the lead agent's desk rings. He walks back and picks it up, "Gibbs." The team watches as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration, then hangs up. "DiNozzo," he barks out, "go see what Abby's got."

__ __ __

**Chapter 4:**

With that, he heads the opposite direction, and climbs the stairs to Vance's office. He enters, seeing Vance leaning against the desk, waiting for him with an unreadable expression on his face. "Director…?" he says expectantly, as he wonders what could possibly be so important when he's got a murderer to catch.

"Gibbs," Vance says, around the toothpick in his mouth, "yesterday we got word of a terrorist cell that was apprehended by some SEALs over in Somalia. They rescued several prisoners held there, two of them marines. I had Sciuto running fingerprints on them."

"The other prisoners?" he asks, not sure he wants the answer, dread rising in his gut.

"Five in total: two marines, both unconscious, and three Mossad officers, one of which was deceased."

Gibbs' heartbeat quickens. "Ziva?"

"Officer David was found unconscious, badly beaten, as were all the others. It appears they were being 'interrogated' by these terrorists. Upon rescue, the four survivors were evacuated to the nearest hospital. We were contacted about the mission's success and our men. Mossad was also contacted about their people, but apparently Director David has not responded yet."

A thousand thoughts race through his mind, but one stands out above all the rest, "How is she?"

"In pretty bad shape, from what they told me. Broken bones, cuts, burns…took some major beatings there. Only reason they found out who she was, is because the other Mossad officer they rescued was still conscious and able to identify her. I don't have any more information…I just found out before I called you up here." Vance pauses to examine the other man. "I assume you'll want a flight out there." It is more of a statement than a question, and without waiting for a response, he continues, "I took the liberty of arranging a flight for you; it leaves at 1930."

Gibbs shuts his eyes briefly, unable to speak for a few moments. "I appreciate that," he finally manages.

"I'll also re-assign your current case to another team; I have a feeling it'd be pointless to try to get your team to sit this one out," he smiles wryly.

The team leader gives a low laugh. "Probably right," he agrees gruffly. "Leon, I appreciate this. You didn't have to…"

The director raises his hand slightly and interrupts, "Can't imagine why Eli wouldn't be responding, that's all. Go see how she's doing. She'll need all the support she can get."

Gibbs nods and turns to leave, but is stopped by Vance's voice once more.

"Gibbs, you'd better warn your team: the SEALs who rescued our men and the officers said it was a rather grisly sight in there."

He nods once more then exits the director's office. He pulls out his phone as he heads down the stairs. "Duck, you and Palmer meet me in Abby's lab," he orders. Gibbs snaps his phone shut, not waiting for a response.

**

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**

**Okay, please review!!! Tell me what you think about this chapter!!! Also, you decide: should I make the next chapter be the team finding out or should it be Gibbs back at the hospital with Ziva? I'd like to get at least 5 reviews before I post the next chapter!! (and I'll be writing both in the meantime to have it ready to post asap!!)**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N:**** I apologize for the delay in getting this up… I've been working lots, I hit a writer's block, and then I got sick! …So thank you for your patience!!**

**And can I just say…I am amazed and so happy about all the reviews I've gotten!! I'm glad you like it so far! As requested, this chapter (and the next one) will be all about the team's reactions to getting the news, and then we'll get back to present time, in the hospital with Ziva!**

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_**Previously: **_

Gibbs pulls out his phone as he heads down the stairs. "Duck, you and Palmer meet me in Abby's lab," he orders. Gibbs snaps his phone shut, not waiting for a response.

__ __ __

**Chapter 5:**

Gibbs strides through the bullpen to his desk, but instead of sitting down, he just stands there and looks around. He only sees his junior agent and the new agent at their respective desks; his senior agent is not around. He calls out sharply, "McGee! Where's DiNozzo?"

"Um, I think he's still down with Abby," McGee replies as he looks up from his computer. He looks at his leader uncertainly, wondering what is wrong. Gibbs looks like he's in a bad mood, which is not unusual for him, but somehow it seems different right now. "Everything okay, Boss?" he cautiously offers. "I can get Tony for you, uh, if you want me to, that is. Um, not that you couldn't just call him, I mean, if you wanted to that is, but, um…" his voice trails off, unsure of what to do or say without making his boss more upset.

The older man hears the worry in McGee's voice and so he blanks his face before looking at the younger agent. "No, that's fine. Go to Abby's lab and tell her and DiNozzo to stay put. I'll meet you down there."

Questions float through his mind and show on his face, but McGee simply nods and heads downstairs.

Gibbs sighs in relief. He knows the younger man had many questions. He knows he'll have to tell them soon enough, but he is glad he doesn't have to do it quite yet, glad to it off, even if just for a few minutes. He reaches for the coffee cup on his desk and downs the last of the dark liquid. He tosses the empty styrofoam cup into the trash can, then moves toward the elevator, not even noticing Michaels sitting at her desk the whole time, wondering expression on her face over what just transpired. However, she is used to being kept in the dark, so she shrugs and continues her paperwork.

Once inside the elevator, Gibbs presses the correct button, but not a moment later, he slams the emergency stop button. _I don't know how to do this,_ he admits to himself, just standing there for several long minutes. _How am I going to tell them about Ziva?_

-----

Abby twirls her pigtail nervously, wondering what on earth is going on. In the last five minutes, Ducky and Palmer have come into her lab, saying Gibbs said he'd meet them there. Strange enough, but then Timmy arrived, saying the same thing and telling her and Tony to stay put. _What could be wrong?_ _Something's wrong, I just know it. Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm... Everything's okay, it has to be okay. Everybody's here and they look alright. Oh no, maybe there's something the matter with Gibbs…No, Timmy would have said if he wasn't okay, but maybe he doesn't know there's something wrong…but that must mean it's really something bad if he's hiding it._

McGee watches the goth pace the floor, and wishes he had something positive to tell her, but all he can see in his mind is the worry on his boss' face, and he knows the news is not good.

The elderly medical examiner studies the four young people in the lab. His assistant seems to be the calmest of them, albeit the most confused. _I do wonder why Jethro had Mr. Palmer join us. I hope nothing is terribly wrong. And why meet here in Abigail's laboratory? Although I guess this is the easiest place for everyone to assemble, as we are overloaded with bodies downstairs. _Ducky looks around again: at the senior agent standing - arms crossed - against the counter, at the other agent surreptitiously watching the young woman pacing frantically across her lab. _You know, this reminds me of a time when we were gathered in…_

Suddenly the elevator dings, and Leroy Jethro Gibbs enters the room a moment later. At the sight of the boss, Abby flies toward him as she and several others flood him with questions, voices overlapping…

"Gibbs, what is going on? Are you okay? Is something..."

"Jethro, do tell us what…

"Hey Boss, Probie told to us you have some news…"

"Uh, Agent Gibbs…I was wondering…"

"Hey!" Gibbs speaks sharply and everyone quiets down. They look anxiously toward him. "I just talked with the Director…it seems that there was a terrorist camp in Somalia which was infiltrated the other day, and prisoners were found there…" he swallows hard and forces himself to continue on, "and one of them was Ziva."

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**AN:**** Okay, I know, I'm evil for leaving it at that, but this was as far as I could get for the moment. I promise you'll get their reactions to the actual news soon!!**


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N:**** Thank you for reviews and for sticking with me through the long wait. You'd think being sick and skipping work would give me time to write, but no, writer's block had to take over! Oh well, good news is this one's longer again! Enjoy, and please review!! **

**BTW: I'm so excited…premiere comes on tonight!!! (Too bad I have to wait till tomorrow to watch it on internet, since I don't have a TV, but I've waited this long, one more day won't kill me!)**

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_**Previously: **_

_"…there was a terrorist camp in Somalia which was infiltrated the other day, and prisoners were found there…" he swallows hard and forces himself to continue on, "and one of them was Ziva."_

__ __ __

**Chapter 6:**

Abby gasps out loud and covers her face with her hands. _Don't say it, it can't be true, this cannot be happening again. _

There is stunned silence from the rest of the team for several long moments.

Tony closes his eyes. _Not Ziva. Not _my_ crazy ninja-chick. No way._

McGee resembles a fish somewhat, as his mouth keeps opening and closing. _What did he just say? Ziva? They found Ziva? Why didn't we know she even missing to begin with? What was she doing in Somalia? _

Tony re-opens his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Is she…" his voice cracks slightly and he pauses, unable to ask his original question, "is she…okay?"

"She's alive—"

The whole team lets out a collective sigh of relief.

"—but she's been hurt badly. She was…interrogated…by the terrorists."

Abby looks about ready to faint and tears are streaming down her face. Tony takes her into his arms and she presses her face against his shoulder.

Ducky crosses the lab to stand by his friend. "What happened, Jethro?"

Gibbs shakes his head, "I'm not sure. There was a terrorist cell in Somalia, some SEALs got in there and rescued a few of our men and some Mossad officers. One of them was Ziva. Apparently she got captured by them" He runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head.

The medical examiner looks at the other man intently, studying the expression on his face. "This is not your fault, Jethro," he says in a soft voice.

"It feels like it is, Duck," Gibbs mutters under his breath. "I left her there. I should have seen…"

"This is NOT your fault," he cuts him off.

McGee and Tony exchange a glance at the admission from their boss. There is silence again in the lab, broken only by sobs from Abby. Tony continues to hold her tightly.

"So, is Ziva going to be okay? Did they get her to a hospital?" ventures a timid voice.

Everyone turns to look at Jimmy Palmer, almost having forgotten he was in the room with them.

The medical assistant pales as everyone stares at him, clearly uncomfortable with the attention, but continues with the question on everyone's mind, "and are you going to go to her?"

All heads swing back toward the team leader as he answers. "Yeah, Palmer," he says, looking straight at that young man, "she's in the hospital over there. And yeah, I'm going." Gibbs mentally head-slaps himself as he wonders how he forgot to mention this until now. _Too busy getting all emotional. Not gonna happen again_. "We're ALL going," he states firmly.

"Um, Boss, are you sure?" McGee flinches involuntarily as Gibbs stares him down. "Um, I didn't mean that you…Not that I don't want to go, cause I do…"

"McGee!"

"I- I just don't think Vance, I mean the Director…well, what about our jobs?"

Abby lifts her head from Tony's chest and glares at McGee, "Is that all you can think about? Your job? Ziva's halfway across the world and got captured and hurt and could be dying and you don't care that she's—oh my goodness! What if she's dying?!" Her breathing gets faster and shallower as she thinks of all the ways her friend could be hurt.

"Abby, breathe. You need to calm down," the senior field agent tries to comfort her even as he fights his own fear and worry. _She can't be too badly hurt, right? This is Ziva we're talking about. Of course, to be in the hospital, it's gotta be bad. Please, let her be okay._

"Abby," Gibbs takes several steps towards them, "Tony's right; you need to calm down. Ziva's hurt, and last I heard she's unconscious, but she isn't dead. And the doctors are gonna work hard to make sure she gets better." He turns to the younger agent, and seeing the stricken look on his face he keeps his voice softer, too. "Tim, you don't need to worry about your job or about Vance. He was the one who gave us permission to go see Ziva."

Shock appears on all their faces. Tony speaks up, not sure if he heard correctly, "Boss, did you say Vance is letting us take off and go see Ziva?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, how'd you get the toothpi—I mean, Vance to agree to that?"

"He was the one who suggested it, DiNozzo. Told me he figured it'd be pointless to tell us we couldn't go." Gibbs smiles dryly, thinking about the director's face earlier that day. "I guess I'll have to tell him he was wrong," he deadpans, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

It takes a moment, but Tony and McGee catch on to the sarcasm and chuckle slightly. Who'd have thought the boss could joke like that?

Abby stands up fully and crosses her arms, "So when are we going?"

"I've got a flight tonight," he looks at his watch, "in about four and a half hours. Vance arranged it. You all fly out as soon as you can; we need to get flights for you."

McGee speaks up, "I'll get on that, Boss."

"I'll help you," Abby offers with a hesitant smile, and Tim realizes that this is her way of apologizing for her outburst a few minutes ago. He motions to her and they go over to the computers and start working on flight reservations.

The team leader looks around at the people gathered, "DiNozzo, get all the stuff on our case to hand over to our replacement team. Duck, you need to call a replacement M.E.? McGee, Abbs, when you're done getting a flight, help DiNozzo gather what the other team will need for the case. I'll be here until 1800, then I'm headed home to pack and head out."

"Got it, Boss," Tony says, then disappears out the doors. A moment later, the elevator dings.

"Come, Mr. Palmer, let us get things in order downstairs," Dr. Mallard says to Jimmy and they head out of the lab, as well.

Gibbs waits a moment to check with his forensic scientist. "You okay, Abbs?"

"I will be," she answers, and he knows it is true from the sparkle in her eyes that shines through, despite the sadness. He leans over and kisses her gently on the cheek, then walks to the exit. "Call me if you need anything."

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**A/N2****: What did you think? Did I do alright with the characters' voices? Constructive criticism will help make my next chapters be even better!! So Review, folks!!!**

**Next up: back with Gibbs visiting Ziva in the hospital, and maybe the team's flight out. Goal: Ch.7 posted by Thursday, but only if I get at least 8 reviews!! (Yes, I'm upping the amount but don't worry, I already have the next chapter half-written. Review and the chapter will come! Mwa-hahaha!)**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N:**** Thanks to all who reviewed – I appreciate it so much!! I only got 5 reviews but I see traffic on my story decreasing, plus I felt it was unfair to keep my faithful readers waiting so long. So, without further ado, here's the next chapter! AND, it's extra long!! :)**

**We're back in the hospital, in "present time." On the story's timeline, this chapter takes place right after chapter 2, the morning after Gibbs got to the hospital. **

**

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****Chapter 7:**

_**Present day**_

Gibbs comes back into the small room with a fresh cup of coffee, thankful to the nurses who let him use the coffee machine to make it. He recalls their surprised expressions when he told them he had his own grind, though he thinks they couldn't have been much more surprised than he was when he found it in his bag this morning. He was searching for a fresh shirt and ran across his coffee grind in with his belongings. _I must have packed it out of habit_, he thinks.

The older man speaks softly as he sits in the chair by the bedside, "Remember when we went to Edenvale for that investigation a few years back?" He smiles and lets the memory of their conversation wash over him.

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_Shalom._

_Morning._

_You brew that in your room?_

_Yeah._

_You know, it's not even real coffee._

_It's coffee._

_I read the label. Roasted chicory, whatever that is._

_It's a flower. It's got a tap root, like a dandelion. Dried and roasted, it makes for a cheap coffee substitute._

_Well that's what you're drinking. Cheap, motel coffee substitute._

_That smell like a cheap coffee substitute?_

_Well you brew it in your room…_

_Well, yes I did…with my own grind, that I brought from home._

_You bring your own coffee grind on investigations?_

_Only on overnighters._

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"You were so surprised that I brought my own coffee with me. Well, can't go anywhere without it, apparently; even brought it with me here, too." He takes a sip of the hot beverage. "Might even share some with you," he says gruffly as he looks straight at Ziva, lying so frail and broken in the hospital bed, "when you wake up. You will wake up," he orders. "You do not have my permission to die." He stares in the distance and thinks to himself, _Of course, when she wakes they'll be plenty to talk about and issues to deal with before she can come back to NCIS._ He pushes the thought away, knowing it is true, but wanting to simply focus on her health right now.

Gibbs keeps vigil the rest of the morning, much as he did the previous night, watching for any signs of change in her condition. She looks just the same as before, except for a bit more color than last night. He leaves the room only two times, once to hit the head and the other time to refill his coffee. Mid-morning, a nurse gives him a newspaper in English, which he gratefully accepts. He is not a man of many words, and sitting around with nothing to do is driving him crazy.

Setting down his newspaper, Gibbs drinks from his fresh cup of coffee and studies Ziva once again. The doctor talked with him earlier about her injuries and how she was doing. Her broken wrist is encased in a cast and the arm is in a sling to stabilize the shoulder that is dislocated. He left knee is also dislocated, and is now in a brace, a bulky form that shows underneath the blankets covering her. Not much of her skin is showing, but her face, neck, and arms display a multitude of bruises, cuts (some of which have been stiched up), and burn marks. He has been told that the rest of her does not look any better and is relieved he cannot see the rest of her body at the moment. His anger flares up again as he thinks about the scum that did this to her…and to the others. He did not want to leave Ziva's side last night, but still felt a sense of duty to check on the others. Earlier that morning, during his coffee run, he did briefly stop by the rooms of the Marines and the Mossad officer and talked to their doctors. They all have a long road to recovery.

A nurse enters the room, interrupting his musings. "Any change?" he inquires, pushing the chair back slightly as she walks around the bed, checking the machines and her patient's vitals.

"A little; she is still unconscious," the nurse replies, in heavily accented English, "but her breathing is better and so the doctor will possibly remove the tube soon." She jots down a few more notes on her clipboard then leaves the room again.

Moving the uncomfortable chair closer to the bed again, he reads for a while. Only when his stomach growls and his joints protest the lack of movement does he leave. Gibbs walks down to the cafeteria to grab something to eat for lunch; twenty minutes later he returns and resumes his post.

____________

Gibbs looks from his newspaper to Ziva and sets the paper down when he notices her eyelids fluttering. He reaches out and carefully picks up her uninjured hand, making sure he does not disturb the IV line. "Ziva, can you hear me?"

Under the lids, her eyes move back and forth more rapidly. "Ziva, you're in the hospital, it's okay, you're safe."

Her eyes open just barely and immediately shut again against the bright lights overhead.

He squeezes her limp hand gently, and shields her eyes with his other hand. "C'mon…" he keeps his voice soft, "open your eyes. Wake up."

The doctor comes in and watches the woman in bed and the man encouraging her.

Ziva blinks a few times and then her eyes open again. It isn't much, due to the swelling in her face and around her eyes, but it is enough for Gibbs to see the deep brown of her eyes. Her eyes stare straight ahead for a few moments, automatically blinking a few times.

"You with me, Ziver?" Her head stays still but her eyes move to see the owner of the voice. "You're in the hospital," he repeats. "You're safe. Do you know who I am?" Gibbs squeezes her hand and then he lets go again, and is relieved to feel a slight amount of pressure in return.

Her eyes fall shut again, and this time they do not reopen. Gibbs is satisfied, though. As the doctor comes forward to check on her, his thoughts go to his team. _At least I can give them some good news when they get here. _He looks at his watch and calculates the time until they arrive. _They should be landing soon. I should probably get some hotel rooms, since we're NOT all staying in this hospital room or the waiting room._ He looks over at Ziva, assuring himself that she's okay for the time being, then gives himself permission to leave for a few minutes. He pushes himself up from the chair and leaves to get more coffee and make some hotel arrangements, glancing behind him for one more look at her before he exits the room. Opening her eyes for just a few moments does not mean she is even close to being out of the woods, but he knows that she's a fighter. _She'll be alright. She's going to make it._

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**A/N2****: Okay, so maybe the end is a little mushy, but I was in a "mushy" mood. I tried to keep it real for the most part. What did you think? REVIEW please!!!!**

**Next up: The team gets to the hospital and sees Ziva! **

**Goal: Ch. 8 posted by Wednesday, if I get at least 8 reviews!! Otherwise, I'll try to post by Friday.**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: WOW!!! WOW!!!! 9 reviews!!! --**dances around happily!**-- Thank you so much!! **

**It's not "technically" Wednesday anymore, being, like, o'dark-thirty in the morning, and it's not as long as the others, but I tried my best! So here you are… ;) **

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**Chapter 8:**

They are finally on the last leg of the trip, and everyone has conked out except for him.

Alone with his thoughts, he is unsure about what the next few hours hold in store for him and his friends. He feels guilty for the circumstances under which Ziva stayed in Israel, which led to her going on this mission, which led to her capture. _If only I hadn't killed Rivkin… if only I hadn't gone to her apartment alone… if only she had trusted me enough to tell me what was going on and not tried to hide it…_ Yes, he feels guilty, but also angry. _Sure, I might've been jealous of Rivkin, not that I'd admit it to anyone else, though I guess it's true… but come on, I didn't confront him or shoot him because I was jealous. I just didn't want her to get hurt, or to get in the middle of it all. I was only trying to protect Ziva! And now she's hurt, anyways…_

He is nervous about getting to the hospital. Not so much about seeing his partner again, his ninja, as he still thinks of her, but about seeing her hurt and broken. Neither Gibbs nor Vance had given the team much detail about Ziva's injuries; they were told she was interrogated and that she had multiple broken bones and various cuts and bruises. He knew, though, that his boss probably would've shared anything else he knew with his close friend. Heck, he figured, the older man had most likely called the hospital himself, asking for all the details once Gibbs ran out of answers. For that reason, Tony had sought out the M.E. for the full report, knowing Ducky would have the information he wanted, hoping he'd be able to prepare him for what lies ahead. Dr. Mallard had indeed gotten a hold of the hospital and received an update, though he had been unusually reticent about sharing any information with Tony. That alone alerted Tony to the fact that his former partner was in really bad shape. And as he pressed the doctor further, he heard enough details to let him know they were indeed all in for a long ride, especially Ziva.

He is not used to being out of control or frightened, but this, knowing that she is hurt like this, scares him out of his mind. He is determined however, to be strong for the rest of the team. He knows that he and McGee will have to be extra strong for Abby's sake, and hopes they can do so. The younger agent, Probie, his partner, has gotten stronger over the years, and Tony knows that he can count on him to be strong and help keep their scientist somewhat calm.

He observes his teammates as they sleep on the plane and envies them the rest that eludes him.

Abby is comfortably snuggled up between the window and his partner, her pigtails askew. Her attire, thankfully, is toned down from her usual eccentric style, but she had insisted on keeping her pigtails and would not budge no matter what McGee said to her. That was an argument he didn't ever want to be party to again, though he silently agreed with his the younger agent's concerns about her travelling overseas dressed in her normal manner, not to mention getting through security at the airport! He isn't sure if their intended destination is ready for NCIS' gothic forensic scientist and her unique style, but he is relieved they were able to convince her to forego the chains, collar and the spiky wristbands, at least while actually travelling, and relieved they got through the checkpoints at both airports with no trouble.

Soft snores coming from across the aisle cause him to look in that direction. The senior agent smiles as he takes in the sight of the medical examiner and his assistant, sleeping in almost the same positions. Palmer is leaning against the window with his head tipped back, mouth hanging open, glasses precariously balanced across his face. The doctor has his head tilted back against the seat, mouth open, as well. Even his glasses are nearly falling off, just like his assistant's. Tony is fairly certain the snores are emanating from the Palmer. _Autopsy gremlin_, he remembers with a grin. There was a time when he only thought of the younger man as such, but now recognizes him as a friend with valuable insight at times.

He checks his watch… only one and a half more hours until they land. Sleeping is a lost cause for him at this point, so he pulls out another magazine and reads the rest of the way…

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**A/N2: --**ducks for cover**--** **Okay, I _know_ I promised this chapter would be about having the team getting to the hospital to see Ziva, but I hit a writer's block. And it's way late, but I was desperately typing to get the next chapter up as promised, since you have all been so awesome in your support with reviews!! And, well, I started out with Tony's POV on the plane, fully intending on getting them landed and to the hospital, and I guess my muse decided to run in this direction as I was typing!!! **

**Well I hope you enjoyed it anyways…please do review…and I promise ("for reals") that in the next chapter they arrive at the hospital. I will do my best to get the next one up by this weekend, so hopefully this writer's block doesn't stick around!! :P **

**Please keep reviewing! I can't tell you how much it means to me!!!**

**~ ChrissyJoy**


	10. Chapter 9 Tony

**A/N:** Hello, my readers! I am so sorry for the long wait...things got crazy in my life, coupled with writer's block for a time. But I'm back! :) So, I tried something new to get out of the writer's block and I liked it, so for the next 6 or 7 chapters I'll be taking things from each team member's perspective - 1st person style. I'm not sure if I got the voices for each completely in character, but I tried my best. This chapter is Tony's POV. My current plan/order is to do Gibbs next, then Palmer, Abby, McGee, Ducky, then Ziva. That order might change, and some might be way short, but you'll definitely get all of them :) I'm going out of town today, but the next chapter will be up Monday, if I have internet at my sister's house. If not, it'll be posted Wednesday. I'll try to keep the others coming at least 1 chapter/week after that.

Thank you for your patience, and as always, reviews are very much appreciated and loved! CJ :)

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****Tony**

I can't stand hospitals. I can't stand the too-clean smell, and the sickeningly white walls, not to mention the over-friendly and way too chipper nurses who are always so eager to poke and prod you, as well as the doctors (who I personally believe are out to drive you crazy with their never ending questions). No sir, I don't like hospitals, not at all. Never have, but especially since that stupid plague. The memory of that still makes me shudder…those blue lights, gasping for air with every breath hurting, coughing so much I almost passed out…Okay, too much thinking…"Stop it, DiNozzo!" I tell myself silently, yet firmly. "Just stop thinking about it! Okay, now breathe. See…you're fine." Much better. After all, this isn't the time for thinking about the past or having a breakdown with my memories; we're getting to the hospital and I need to focus on seeing Ziva and being strong for the team. Oh, good, a parking spot near the front door. I look at my teammates as we get out of the car, which, by the way, is actually a really decent car considering it's just a rental. It's even red, which is totally like Magnum…hey, focus here! I head-slap myself since Gibbs isn't here to do it for me, but I do it mentally since I don't want the others see me, nor do I want to explain why I'm doing so.

We walk silently to the entrance and then into the hospital. Ducky's walking beside me, and I have to say, I've been glad for his company on this trip. While he was awake on the plane, he waxed eloquently on one of his usual long-winded stories, but for once I was glad to hear him talk on and on – it distracted me and kept me from brooding too much. Abby's sandwiched between McGee and Palmer, both guys partially supporting her. I doubt she can walk all by herself right now. She isn't hysterical yet, but I wouldn't put it past her to totally freak out or faint (maybe both) when we see Ziva. I find myself worrying about Probie, too. I haven't seen that look in his eyes since Paula and her team died several years back. It's a mix between sad, guilty, and scared. I'm sure I've got the same look…I know I've got some of the same feelings. I sure hope I can keep it together. DiNozzos do not pass out. DiNozzos do not cry. And DiNozzos do not lose it.

We're in the lobby now and Ducky goes to the desk and asks for directions to Ziva's room. "You guys okay?" I hear myself ask. They mumble various answers in the affirmative. Stupid question; no matter what they say, of course they're not okay. We haven't been okay for a long time. I can't help asking, though. I'm the senior agent and Gibbs isn't here to take care of them. Plus, I care about them – they're my family. Not that I'd ever let them know in so many words.

Ducky returns to our huddle, interrupting my thoughts, "She's on the third floor. It's this way." I'm more than happy to let him lead us to the elevator and through the unfamiliar halls. Have I mentioned I hate hospitals and how difficult it is to find your way around them? We're getting a lot of strange looks as we walk through the halls; it could either be just because we're Americans, or the looks are directed to our eccentrically dressed Goth. My money's on the latter. Palmer seems awfully uncomfortable with the stares as he walks beside Abby, but she doesn't even seem to notice. She looks really nervous and seems to be deep in thought.

Ducky stops to check at a nurses' station, then steers us to the right and then further down the hall. "It should be the fourth room on the left," he says to me, and I nod in acknowledgment. We walk those last few yards and get to the room. Through the window, I can see Gibbs slumped in a chair by the bed; he looks like he might be sleeping. In the bed, I see a person – obviously it must be Ziva, but from this distance all I can make out is the general shape of a very skinny person, lots of hair on the pillow, and various machines surrounding the head of the hospital bed.

"I'm gonna go in. Unless anyone else wants to go in first?" I ask, though I know I'm going in no matter what. I was afraid for a little while about whether I really wanted to see her like this or not, but now I know that nothing's gonna stop me from going in there and seeing my ninja. I have to see how she is. I have to know. Cause it just doesn't feel real right now and I need to see her. For some reason, though, I don't want to go in alone.

Abby stops dead in her tracks and clings to Probie. "I-I can't g-go in there," she whispers. Her face is paler than usual and I do the only thing I know to help her – I stride over to her and wrap her in a warm hug. I'm dying to get in to see Ziva, but Abby needs my help right now, too. Actually, she really needs Gibbs' comfort right now. Though Abbs and I have a solid friendship going on, I know that above all, Gibbs is the one she draws her strength from.

Palmer looks hesitant and McGee has his hands full with the weeping, shuddering Goth, though he also looks unsure about whether to enter or not. Ducky speaks up, "I will accompany you, Anthony."

I nod my thanks to him and I leave Abby in McGee's arms. As I head into the small hospital room, I feel Ducky right on my heels. As I get closer to Ziva I can't believe what I'm seeing. The strong woman I know is gone, replaced by a frail, broken shell of a body. I can't believe it's the same woman, and for a moment I almost expect the _real_ Ziva to sneak up behind me and yell, "Surprise!" and tell me it's all just been a joke. I make it to the bed and see all the scars and bruises that mottle her skin and I just want to strangle the people who did this to Ziva. "What did they do to her?" I mutter angrily under my breath. Skip strangulation, I wanna use those guys as punching bags! This can't be happening!

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**AN#2:** BTW, most the characters' narratives will contain overlapping information, but it won't be a simple repeat of the same thing over and over from everyone's perspective. As a whole, it'll all keep moving forward in time....which is why I won't include everything in any given chapter, and why some chapters may end abruptly or cliffhanger-ish-ly (is that a word?). I hope you like it! Review! :)


	11. Chapter 10 Palmer

**A/N: Thank you Jen-NCIS-Lover, M E Wofford, and ncistiva for your reviews, and thank you to those who added this story as a favorite or on your alerts! I had so much fun writing Tony last chapter, cause I'm pretty sure his mind probably rambles and bunny-trails like that! ;) Hope you liked it, too!**

**Chapter 10, here we go...I did end up changing my mind on the order and so this chapter is Palmer. I feel Palmer doesn't get nearly enough recognition or appreciation, which is why I wrote a whole chapter from his POV, and why I decided to have him join the team in visiting Ziva, though I know in the show, that would NEVER happen. Despite that, I tried to keep him as in character as possible, but there's not enough of him for me to get into his head. So this is how I imagine he'd be, a bit unsure, insecure, yet glad to be included and trying to be strong. Enjoy! And review!!!!!!!! :)**

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****Palmer**

What am I doing here? I feel so out of place. I've never even been out of the country before, and now I've suddenly jetted halfway across the world.

When I first heard that Ziva had been captured and interrogated, but found alive, I figured she'd be in critical condition in some hospital over here. Likewise, I knew they were all going to fly out to see her. I know that Gibbs answered me as if I'd asked real questions, but they weren't really questions at all, more like a statement of what was sure to happen.

I mean, I've worked with the team for five or six years now, and I know how close they all are. And I know how they operate when someone on their team is in trouble. And though I personally like to think I'm part of the team, I'm sure they don't really consider me to be one of their team, although I've definitely been on the receiving end of that help before.

So when Agent Gibbs said, "we're all going," I knew without a doubt, that they would go out to see her, and I would stay behind. Like usual. And that was fine. Not that I wanted to be left behind, of course. But I just know that's the way it is. I'm not bitter or upset, I'm just not one of the actual team that goes out and does stuff unless there's a body to see. Ziva's still alive, so I've got no reason to go see her.

Except that I wanted to see Ziva…she was one of the only ones of the field team who never teased me. She was willing to teach me how to fight, though I was no good at it. I've never seen her really hurt before, and it scared me a little bit. So yeah, I wanted to visit her, but I knew it would have to wait until she got much better and came back to the US.

But then Abby and McGee were working on getting plane tickets and they talked about getting tickets for five people. Five? Tony and Tim, and Abby… Doctor Mallard would go, of course, so that makes four….

I still remember the exact look Abby gave me after I screwed up my courage to ask her who else was going. Kind of a cross between an "Are you crazy?" and a "You've got to be joking me!" kind of look, with eyebrows scrunched together, and her head tilted to the side, arms on her hips.

"_You_ are."

That was it. Two words, one bone-crushing hug. A no-nonsense look on her face that squashed all my protests and questions before I even got a chance to speak them aloud. Two words, like it was plain as day, of course I was coming. Maybe they do see me as part of the team…

So here I stand in who knows what country, (though I won't tell Doctor Mallard that, for fear of getting another lecture like the one I got when I didn't know why there wasn't a "J" Street in D.C.) working with Tim McGee to comfort Abby out in the hallway of the hospital. A few moments ago, Doctor Mallard and Tony went into the room where Ziva and Gibbs are. I'm not very brave or strong, and I know that, but right now I can be strong for Abby and help support her. And maybe that's all I'm supposed to do right now.

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**A/N#2:** **So, what'd you think? Short yes, but that's all I had. Was it okay? Horrible? Excellent? Doesn't matter, just review! :)**

**Next chapter is Gibbs' POV, and I'll post it a week from now, on Tuesday. Though, I already have it 99% written, so I might be persuaded to update MUCH sooner if I'm flooded with lots of lovely long reviews hint, hint! ;)**


	12. Chapter 11 Ducky

**AN: Yay! We passed the 50 mark with reviews!! Thank you so much to amieewllms1, suchrandomness, Ashes of Fire, M E Wofford, ncistiva, and Jen-NCIS-Lover for your reviews on the last chapter, and for the reviews from Mirthless Laughter, too! **

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****Ducky**

I simply cannot believe how much trauma was inflicted on our poor Ziva. I heard a great deal from the doctor I called before we left the States, but to see it in person is always so hard. These are by no means the worst injuries I have seen in my life, in my career, but to see it done to a friend, one of the team, that is always the worst. I worry about young Anthony as he stands there next to Ziva. He has already felt far too much guilt over his part in the death of Mr. Rivkin and the subsequent events, particularly Ziva staying in Israel. I fear seeing Ziva like this will increase that guilt. I do hope he does not blame himself for this.

I fear Anthony and Jethro are too much alike in many ways. They both work themselves far too hard and refuse to take care of themselves at times, especially when caught up in a particularly pressing case. They are both fiercely protective of their teammates, especially the females. They both feel things very deeply and refuse to let their emotions show if at all possible, citing weakness. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with showing emotions, and I do wish Jethro would open his eyes to that fact. With rare exception will he ever apologize or let others know when he is hurting or feeling guilt. Perhaps that is the source of my concern for him right now. I am deeply troubled by the expression on Jethro's face. I have been concerned about him since he broke the news to us in Abigail's lab, the look in his eyes as he shared what had happened with us, his words to me.

--

"_What happened, Jethro?"_

"_I'm not sure. There was a terrorist cell in Somalia, some SEALs got in there and rescued a few of our men and some Mossad officers. One of them was Ziva. Apparently she got captured by them" _

"_This is not your fault, Jethro."_

"_It feels like it is, Duck. I left her there. I should have seen…"_

"_This is NOT your fault." _

--

While I wish he _would_ show his feelings from time to time, I must admit that simply is not the norm for him, nor will it likely ever be, so I must worry when he actually admits to feeling guilty about something in front of the team. He and his young protégée feel far too much guilt about things they cannot control. It is just not healthy, and the guilt will consume them if they are not careful. The dear girl chose to stay, and in her line of work, unfortunately, these things happen. I study my friend closely. He looks like he has not truly slept nor eaten properly in days. Perhaps it was not wise for him to come ahead of us as he never takes care of himself in situations like this. Ah, well, we are here now, so perhaps Abigail or myself can convince him to take care of himself.

As I look through her medical folder I read through the doctor's notes. Some of this he has already told me over the telephone, but some of this is new information, and I am filled with further concern for Ziva's condition. Right wrist broken, right shoulder dislocated, several fingers broken and re-broken, left knee dislocated, seven ribs broken – it is a miracle her lungs were not punctured or injured in any other fashion. There are over one hundred stitches to repair the numerous cuts - made by a knife, no doubt, and there are small burns that appear to be from cigarettes as well as large burns which may have come from a metal poker or other metal rod of some sort.

But all that is just the physical aspect. There will be such a long ways to recovery, but I know we will help her in any way possible. And physical wounds always heal, eventually, though in her case there will be many scars, I fear. No, my real concern for Ziva is her mental state. I shudder to think about what emotional trauma she will have to deal with. Almost three weeks in captivity, all the abuse, all the mental abuse, and looking at the notes in the folder, she appears to have been attacked sexually, as well.

I wonder how our Ziva got herself there, what she was doing. And I do wonder why her father hasn't contacted anyone yet? Although perhaps he has by now, but I checked with Director Vance before we left, and he stated that there had been contact from Mossad again, acknowledging the rescue of their officers, but no word from Director David himself. From what little Jethro has told me and what I have observed over the years, there is most definitely not a good relationship between father and daughter, but I cannot fathom him not caring enough to respond back personally to the news of her rescue. And even if there is little love between them, he is the director of Mossad and I would assume he might be interested in the welfare of his agents.

I look up briefly as I hear Ziva moaning and mumbling in what sounds like Hebrew. Poor girl, she must be having a nightmare, which is to be expected, of course. Sadly, there will most likely be many of those in her near future. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I see Jethro grab Anthony's arm. What on earth? I cannot believe he would just grab the young man like that. Of course I've seen him give the occasional slap on the head before, but to grab someone without provocation? Their hands are suspended above the bed, so perhaps Anthony was attempting to move closer to his teammate? Whatever the case may be, the younger man looks upset, rightly so, and before I can question them, he demands to know the reason for that action.

Jethro hesitates, then answers brusquely, "She isn't thinking clearly. This morning we tried to wake her up from a nightmare and she attacked several nurses and doctors. One has a broken nose now, another got the wind knocked out of him."

I can barely stifle my sadness or my surprise. Of course that would be the case. I should have expected that with the degree of trauma she has been through, and I state this to the two men in the room. But I am shocked at the injuries to the medical staff. She was that strong, even in this current state, as frail as she is right now? She must have been deeply entangled in her dreams and bad memories and desperate to get away. And once again, I know that this will be a long road for each of us, but most especially for our Ziva.

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**AN#2 ****Special thanks to Ashes of Fire who inspired me to work to try and put Ducky's POV before Gibbs' ....I hope you all like it! (I must say, Ducky was rather fun to write!)**

******Ducky today, Gibbs on Wednesday, then the next character will come next Saturday! Want them sooner? Click the review button and, you got it, REVIEW!! :)**


	13. Chapter 12 Gibbs

**AN:** **Mega thanks to all who reviewed: ee20877, Jen-NCIS-Lover, luvztorite, BandG33K2008, M E Wofford, ncistiva, Phaerre, SignedSealedWritten, animallover12, Ashes of Fire, suchrandomness, and of course, Mirthless Laughter! You guys rock!!! I am in awe of and so grateful for all your support and encouragement!**

**Here's Gibbs' POV! Enjoy!!!**

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****Gibbs**

I wake to the voices in the hallway. I recognize the voices out there and I push myself out of the chair. It feels like I've been sitting for months, and my knees are sore as I stand and stretch.

Ducky and DiNozzo come into the room. I see the nervousness on Tony's face and the shock and horror which replace it when he gets close enough to really see her and the extent of her injuries. He looks at me through anger- and pain- filled eyes. "What did they do to her?" he asks in a low voice. My eyes are burning with tears I won't let fall, and I am thankful he doesn't seem to expect an answer for the moment as he turns back to her and just looks at her. I don't trust my voice right now. Instead, I simply move closer to my senior agent and clap my hand on his shoulder, letting it rest there in silent support.

Duck seems to understand my need for silence because for once he doesn't pepper me with questions or stories of who knows what this might remind him of. He goes to the end of the bed and picks up her chart, flipping through the pages with a practiced medical eye. I hope that stuff is written in English…maybe he can translate the medical language for me. The doctor's been good about trying to explain things, but that's not my field. Put me in with a suspect over a doctor any day.

Ziva is starts to moan again…she's been doing that on and off ever since they removed the breathing tube last night and she can make sounds again. I don't know whether it's another nightmare or pain that's making her moan like that, though my guess is the former, because I've been told she's on medicine for the pain. She's tossing and turning now, and mumbling in some language other than English. My guess is Hebrew. DiNozzo reaches over to grab her hand but my reflexes are still sharp, despite the lack of sleep; I grab his arm and stop him before he touches her. He looks at me, confusion evident on his face. I'm sure he can't understand why I won't let him comfort her. How can I tell Tony it's not safe to touch his partner right now, at least, not while she's dreaming? How can I tell the team she's so traumatized that they can't comfort her the way that comes naturally to all of them, especially Abby? I'm not sure I'm want to, but I certainly don't want them to get hurt like the nurses and doctor earlier.

Tony pulls his arm away from my grasp. "What was that for?" he asks indignantly.

I sigh deeply, trying to think of how best to explain, then settle for the abbreviated version, "She isn't thinking clearly. This morning we tried to wake her up from a nightmare and she attacked several nurses and doctors. One has a broken nose now, another got the wind knocked out of him."

Ducky looks up from the charts and grimaces, but nods in understanding and agreement. "She is probably dealing with post- traumatic stress disorder. She certainly had a lot of abuse inflicted upon her based on the descriptions and details of her injuries."

"There's got to be _something_ we can do to help her, though! Look at her, she's in pain!"

I hear the frustration in his voice and sympathize. What I don't tell them is how frustrated and helpless I felt watching her this morning as she writhed around and attempted to fight off the medical staff, watching as they tried to hold her down and eventually managed to sedate her, knowing that there was nothing I could do to take away her fear or pain. I thought she'd recognized me yesterday when she first opened her eyes and squeezed my hand, but she didn't respond to my voice or touch at all this time. I haven't felt that helpless since I found out Shannon and Kelly were killed.

At least this time she isn't screaming. Maybe I should tell Tony; maybe it would help him. I need another coffee before I can figure out what to do. How long has it been since I really slept? I need to see Abbs and the rest of the group outside, first. A nurse enters the room and brushes past me, coming to the bed and checking on her patient. She pulls out a syringe and injects its contents into the IV line and in a matter of seconds, Ziva stops thrashing around and quiets down. A few moments later, her whole body relaxes and her face looks peaceful again – as peaceful as it can look despite all the lopsided swelling. The nurse smiles at me as she passes me once more on her way out and I give her a small smile back, a silent thanks.

"Let's go out into the hall," I say. It is an invitation and a command to the two men in the room. Tony keeps his eyes on Ziva and stubbornly stays near the bed. I know he doesn't want to leave her alone, but I have to talk with the team. Maybe I'm being selfish, living up to the second B in my name. But I've done more talking in the last few days than I care to in a month, and there's still more to say, especially with the news I received this morning from Vance, and I don't want to explain things more than once

"DiNozzo," I say firmly, "I need to talk to the team all together; I have some important things to tell you all."

I see Duck throw me a curious and concerned glance, before he comes alongside my senior agent and helps persuade him to leave the room. "My dear boy, she is sleeping for now and that is the best thing for her at this time. I assure you she will not wake up any time soon, and when Jethro has finished telling us the news you can come back in again."

To my surprise, Tony nods silently then turns and walks out into the hallway, Duck close behind. I snag his arm and speak quietly into his ear, "Thanks, Duck."

I step out into the hallway and barely have time to look around before Abby comes rushing to me and I am almost knocked over as she throws herself against me in a desperate hug. We stand there for several long moments, my arms securely wrapped around her, and I just let her cry. As I soothe her, I notice DiNozzo and McGee talking quietly to each other and Duck and Palmer standing together, all of them off to the side, letting us have a moment of relative privacy. Abby shifts in my arms and I loosen my grip. She steps back slightly and tilts her head to look straight up into my eyes. "How is she, Gibbs, really?"

"Not too good, Abbs," I answer truthfully, wiping a few tears off her cheek. "Let's join the others. I've got updates and information to tell you all." As I say this, I see the others come toward us…I've got them well trained, I guess. Either that or they were listening in. We move down the hall a ways and sit in the chairs, and I begin.

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**AN2: Abby's up next....Keep reviewing!! Thanks!!**


	14. Chapter 13 Abby

**AN: Here's the next chapter!!! Thanks to all who reviewed: GardenRiver, zats, Mirthless Laughter, animallover12, Ashes of Fire, M E Wofford, ncistiva, and Jen-NCIS-Lover! **

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**Abby**

I can't do this anymore! Too many hospitals and deaths and missing people and injuries and it's just too much! Tony sick with the plague and then Kate was killed by that crazy terrorist and then Gibbs in the hospital cause of a bomb from another terrorist, then Gibbs left us, then Ziva was accused of murder and then she and Gibbs were almost blown up. Then we thought Tony was blown up by a bomb, and then Gibbs' daughter's friend was kidnapped and Gibbs and Tony got into trouble there and Gibbs almost died, then Jimmy got shot at and then the director died and the team was split up and Ziva got into a bomb blast, and then Timmy was stuck in a prison with a riot, Ducky got stabbed, and Ziva left us and then was captured and totally hurt by those guys, and she's in the hospital now and I don't know how she's doing but it can't be good because hospitals are never good, and she was unconscious and I don't even know if she woke up yet, but I just can't see her yet, not until I know how she really is --- There's Gibbs!

I fly over to his arms and bury my face in his chest, crying like a little child, and I would've thought I already cried out all my tears in Tim's arms but I still have more in me. Timmy and Palmer were so sweet to stay out in the hall with me but even as comforting as they are, it's just not the same as Gibbs. So we're standing here in the hallway, me in his arms and he strokes my hair and rubs my back, just letting me cry it all out. I was doing okay, really I was, until we got outside of the room and then it's like I just froze or something.

I finally get myself back under control and I step back just enough to look at my silver haired fox. He looks so old and worried; it makes me even more worried about him…and about Ziva. "How is she, Gibbs? Really?" my voice cracks but I don't care.

He gently runs his hand across my cheek, wiping away some tears. "Not too good, Abbs," he pauses, then continues, "Let's join the others. I've got updates and information to tell you all."

He takes my arm and leads me down the hallway, the others following closely in our wake, till we reach the chairs in the waiting area. We all sit down and he starts talking about Ziva's condition.

I'm trying to focus but it's just so hard. Lots of broken bones, dislocated shoulder and knee, the many stitches she needed for all the deep cuts... it's just too much to take in and I zone out a little. Just because I don't work in the field doesn't mean I haven't seen a lot of nasty things, and I get more than my share of hinky _and_ horrible stuff to process. And of course, I see distorted bodies in autopsy all the time. I doubt Ziva can look worse than some of those gruesome cases, but still, this is personal. I mean, I _know_ Ziva – she's my friend, after all, and I can't just think about this dispassionately. I tune back in to hear Gibbs talking about how she freaked out this morning and went all crazy on the doctors and nurses. I can so see Ziva doing that! I think about how Tony calls her his ninja at times and suddenly a picture of Ziva going all ninja appears in my head. Without warning, a giggle escapes my mouth and in the next moment I see the others look at me strangely. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to…" my voice trails off I feel myself getting red. What's wrong with me? I know that was inappropriate but I just can't seem to control myself or my emotions right now. And just as quickly as it came, the feeling of mirth is gone and I realize that in its place is a deep knot in my stomach at the thought of Ziva feeling so threatened that she'd attack those trying to help her. Now I'm even more scared of seeing her, cause what if I hurt her or scare her in some way? Gibbs turns to me and wipes my face again – I didn't even realize I was crying! – and he gives me a hug. I lean into Gibbs' embrace, needing his comfort more than ever right now.

Gibbs is still talking and now he's saying something about hotels. What do hotels have to do with Ziva freaking out? _Get a grip on yourself. You need to pay attention._ "What did you say about a hotel, Gibbs?" I ask.

I know he's gotta be frustrated, so I'm surprised when instead of snapping at me, he patiently answers me, "I got us two hotel rooms to stay in. A single room for you, the other room is for the rest of us."

"Um…si—I mean, Agent Gibbs…um, well…"

The look of terror on Palmer's face is priceless and matches Timmy's face perfectly, and I bite back another giggle. Tony lifts his head. "Afraid of close quarters, Palmer?" he teases halfheartedly.

Gibbs slaps Tony gently on the back of the head and growls, "DiNozzo. Get your mind out of the gutter. I figure we'll be taking shifts staying at the hospital and sleeping at the hotel, so no need to get a lot of rooms we won't be using anyways. If we need another, we can always get one more."

Both younger guys relax and Tony goes back to staring morosely at his hands in his lap. Gibbs continues, "I spoke with Director Vance this morning and he has given us all two weeks off. After that…" he pauses and takes a sip of his coffee, "well, he'll need us back, but we'll wait until then to figure things out."

I hear what he doesn't say – that nobody's sure what's gonna happen with Ziva in the next two weeks. I hope she'll be out of the hospital, but what if she isn't, then who's gonna stay with her? We can't just leave her here!

"One more thing," Gibbs breaks into my thoughts again. "The director passed on some information to me earlier. As you know, when the SEALs rescued Ziva, the marines, and the other Mossad officers from that terrorist camp, NCIS and Mossad were contacted. Mossad responded back, but there was no word directly from Director David."

"Director David… you mean, Ziva's father?" McGee clarifies.

"Yes, my dear boy," Ducky responds and turns to Gibbs. "You know, Jethro, I was wondering earlier why her father had not bothered to contact us or try to get information about Ziva. Such a puzzling thing, really—"

"Duck," he interrupts, "Vance got word this morning. Eli David is dead."

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**AN#2: McGee is up next...probably Thursday! You know the drill: more reviews=faster updates!! :) **


	15. Chapter 14 McGee

**A/N: At long last, McGee's POV! Thank you for your patience! Extra long, just for you! (Okay, so maybe it's more because I was feeling way to wordy, but still!) ;)**

**As always, thank you SOOO MUCH for reviewing: ****GardenRiver, horseninja, aimeewllms1, Karfinwen, Phaerre, Jen-NCIS-Lover, Mirthless Laughter, Ashes of Fire, suchrandomness, and ncistiva -- you all are awesome! **

**There was a concern (I think based on an author's note I wrote) that this or the next chapter would be the last one ...let me assure you, even though I'm not sure how far I'll be taking this story, I don't have any plans to end it anytime soon. I'm not quite sure where I'll take it, but I'm having fun writing for you all, so I definitely plan on continuing for a little while, at least.**

**Thanks for reading, favoriting (I like making up words!) and reviewing! Enjoy!**

**-ChrissyJoy**

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**McGee**

I feel like we've been sitting here for hours. Really, it's only been about thirty minutes, but time is passing far too slowly as we sit here staring at Ziva sleeping. Gibbs left about twenty minutes ago, taking Abby with him. I think they all went to the hotel. Ducky and Palmer might still be here in the hospital, though; I didn't really hear much of their conversation

Tony, usually full of jokes and teasing and nicknames, hasn't said a word, despite my attempts to get him to talk. He's usually full of energy, but now he seems drained. I can understand, I think, because seeing Ziva like this is far worse than I could've ever imagined when Gibbs told us about her. I tried not to think about it, but I knew in the back of my mind it was really bad.

This brings back so many memories, but especially of when Kate died. I haven't thought a lot about Kate recently, except in passing, but I remember how hard it was for all of us when she died and how scared I was to even see her body. I was afraid she'd look bad, unrecognizable, even, and I wouldn't be able to get the image from my mind, but I knew I had to go down and see her. So I did, and to my surprise she looked normal. But I knew that Ziva wouldn't look normal, not even close. Still, nothing I could've imagined could have prepared me for how un-normal she looks.

I actually threw up when Abby and I came in here with Gibbs earlier; made a run for the head in the room and emptied all the contents of my stomach. If I'd been thinking clearly, I'd have sworn Abby to silence about what I did so that Tony would never find out and tease me about it. But I wasn't thinking of it, and I'm not even sure Abby noticed as she clung to Gibbs, tears streaming down her face, streaking her mascara and eyeliner down her cheeks. And the way Tony's acting right now, I don't think I need to even worry about him teasing me about it.

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When Ziva stayed behind, it was hard not to be upset with Gibbs for leaving her in Tel Aviv. It was very hard not to be mad at Tony for making her so mad that she wanted to stay and not come back to the team. It was really, really hard not to be angry with Ziva for choosing to stay there and for getting mad at Tony when he was just doing his job and she wasn't even telling us everything about Rivkin. And it was incredibly hard not to be mad at Ziva's dad, after hearing from Tony how Director David bullied him, and admitted to sending Rivkin (and, from the sounds of it, left Ziva out of the loop.)

Most of those feelings faded within the first week. I saw how old and tired Gibbs looked. I noticed how broken Tony was inside, though he tried to hide under that mask of his most of the time. I just couldn't be angry with them. Besides, they're my team, and we have to stick together.

Another week went by and my anger toward Ziva faded, too, till the only feelings left were simply missing her and wishing she'd be in contact again.

What remained was my ire towards Director David.

Until this afternoon… when Gibbs told us about him...

"_As you know, when the SEALs rescued Ziva, the marines, and the other Mossad officers from that terrorist camp, NCIS and Mossad were contacted. Mossad responded back, but there was no word directly from Director David."_

"_Director David… you mean, Ziva's father?" I checked to make sure I heard right._

"_Yes, my dear boy," Ducky answered. "You know, Jethro, I was wondering why her father had not bothered to contact us about Ziva. Such a puzzling thing—"_

"_Duck… Vance got word this morning. Eli David is dead."_

"_Dead? How? When?" Tony asked, showing the first real signs of interest since he came back out into the hallway._

"_Heart attack. He wasn't available over the weekend - wasn't picking up his phone. Yesterday when his aides arrived at his house to pick him up for work, they found him dead in the living room. No sign of a struggle, nothing out of place. Just him in the chair, slumped over. Been dead several days now."_

_Abby spoke up, "He just keeled over and had a heart attack?"_

"_He didn't look that old to me," Tony commented._

"_Could've been shock. Hadar said they found a video playing, in David's living room. It was sent by the terrorists and had footage of the _interrogations_ and demands for Mossad to meet. Apparently the video was extremely graphic. Mossad didn't get a hold of it till they found it with their director at his house. "_

"_So what's gonna happen to Ziva with her father gone?"_

It's hard to be too mad at him now. He was a jerk to Tony, and he was behind Rivkin being here, and I'm still mad about that, but still… maybe I'm too soft, but I just can't be that angry at him when he got a horrible video of his daughter being tortured, and then he died from a heart attack.

Besides, I've got bigger concerns right now. Abby's question is still ringing in my mind. _"So what's gonna happen to Ziva with her father gone?"_

I think all of us are wondering what's going to happen with Ziva. Unfortunately, we don't know right now. I don't know when she'll get better or how much, but even after she recovers, what is she going to do? Where will she live: Israel or America? Will she still be Mossad? Is she going to join our team again? And how is she going to react to hearing that her dad is dead?

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"Ziva," Tony's voice, though soft, startles me since it is the first sound I've heard in the last ten minutes.

I look up and see him standing up, leaning closer to Ziva. I glance at Ziva and see her eyes are open. She's awake! I get up and move to the side of the bed, next to Tony.

"Ziva, you awake?" he asks.

_Of course she's awake!_ I resist the urge to say that out loud, knowing we're all under a lot of stress right now. But then I look closer and see why he's asking that. Her eyes _are_ open, well, the right one is (the left one is just a slit because of the swelling), but she's just staring straight ahead, not responding.

"Hey, Ziva, can you hear us? Are you awake? Do you know who we are?" I question, worry creeping into my voice as she still doesn't respond to us. Does she not remember us? I know they said she had head injuries but no one mentioned memory loss as a possibility. "Tony," I turn to him, "what's going on? Does she—I mean, isn't she—why isn't she responding to us?"

"I don't know, Probie," he snaps.

He runs his hand across his face, takes a deep breath and lets it out. He reaches down apprehensively yet determinedly to touch her hand, watching her face and speaking softly the whole time. "Hey Ziva, it's just me, Tony. I'm just gonna touch your hand, okay? You're safe, you're in the hospital. It's just me…"

I hold my breath, unsure of what to expect after hearing about her attacking the doctors earlier. I want to call out to Tony to be careful, but instead I find myself just staring, waiting for the inevitable.

As he continues his monologue, Tony gently touches his hand to hers. She flinches slightly at the touch, but then, to my surprise, turns her head slowly to look straight at him. I let out my breath in a sigh of relief.

Tony continues talking to her and she opens and closes her mouth several times, then licks her lips slowly and painfully. It looks like she's either trying to say something or maybe she's just thirsty. I look around for some water but can't find any. Maybe I should go get some for her. I tap my partner on the shoulder and whisper, "I'll be right back, okay?" He nods in response but doesn't turn his head, his eyes still locked with Ziva's.

I leave the room to find the nurse's station. Only as I approach the counter do I realize I could've just pressed the call button in the room. Oh well, there's a nurse now, so I tell her that Ziva woke up and needs some water to drink, hoping that this nurse understands English. Thankfully, she does, and she comes back with me to the room.

I return to the room and enter quietly, not wanting to disturb them or startle Ziva. Tony is still staring at her face, but her eyes are closed again.

The nurse follows me in and sets a cup of water down on the table. She moves around the bed, checking the machines, making notes on the clipboard she grabbed.

"She was awake, yes?" she asks.

"Yeah, but she didn't speak at all. Just stared at me," Tony says. "I'm not sure if she even recognized me or not."

"I will let the doctor know," she says as she adjusts an IV line.

Ducky's voice surprises me, "If she did not recognize you, she may not have been fully awake yet." He is standing in the doorway, giving the nurse some space to work. "And either way, it will probably take a while for her to feel safe enough to talk to anyone. I would not be concerned about it. She has been through a lot, my boy, and it is to be expected that she will not bounce back right away. "

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**A/N#2: So, what'd you think? Okay? Review and let me know!!**

**BTW: I need YOUR help! I have one more chapter planned for the 1st person POV. After that, I'm unsure whether to go back to 3rd person (outsider's pov) or stay with 1st person pov's. So, I'm gonna put up a poll on my profile, and you can vote there, or tell me in your review or in a private message. Also, any suggestions as to where I should go with this story are welcome! Thanks in advance for your input! (Okay, I tried to put the poll up, but I can't see it, so if it's not there, just message me or say in your review what you'd like to see.) -- ****CJ**


	16. Chapter 15 Ziva

**AN#1: Here's Ziva's chapter! This is SUPER short, and is quite dark and depressing in a way, but I liked exploring what might be going on in Ziva's mind at this point in the story. I hope you enjoy reading it. ;) **

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**Ziva**

Pain…nothing exists but pain. Everything else has faded. And then the pain fades and I am floating. Then I come back to the pain again. The overhead light in this cell hurts my eyes, so I close them again and lie alone in the darkness.

I have no knowledge of how much time has passed; I lost track some time ago.

My body is weak – it will not obey my commands. I cannot defend myself any longer, though I cannot help but attempt to fight back, futile though those attempts are. I will not go down without a fight. I will fight till my last breath.

I do not know why they have not killed me yet. I do not wish to die but the pain is too much. Everything hurts, and I cannot help but cry out. I have tried to be strong, but I have failed. I will not give in any farther.

The only thing, the only defense I have left is to continue my silence. I hear their voices in the distance. They call my name, asking me questions, but I continue to stay silent. I refuse to answer. I will not give them any information. Instead I slip further into my mind.

My mind is slowly fading. I feel it slipping away.

I have seen my brother and my sister. They come to me in this cell, Ari and Tali. They tell me I do not need to worry, for it will be over soon.

I have seen my old team, also. Sometimes they appear in my cell; sometimes we are in the squad room again; sometimes I see them in a hospital room. Gibbs and Tony and McGee all appear and they tell me it is safe and I will be okay. I wish it were true.

I regret I will not see them truly before I die. I would have liked to tell them all goodbye. Perhaps hug Abby one last time. Say I am sorry for not trusting Gibbs. Tell Tony I am not still mad at him. I wish I could…no, enough.

Wishing is useless and will do me no good now. I made my choices and now I will live…and die with them. All that is left for me is to wait.

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**AN#2: ****A big thank you to ncistiva, GardenRiver, Phaerre, NCISfic34, Jen-NCIS-Lover, and animallover12 for your reviews and also to those who took the poll on my profile page! **

**Overall, I heard that you liked 1st person best, though both formats are liked (which absolutely thrills me that you like my writing!!!). ****I will probably have one of the next few chapters be in 3rd person, to kinda step back and take an overall look at things, but for the most part, I will continue writing in 1st person.**

**One more thing: since I'll be sticking mostly with 1st person, which characters' POVs did you like best? What do you want to see more of? TAKE THE _NEW_ POLL ON MY PROFILE PLEASE!!!**

**And don't forget to REVIEW!!! I really, really want to know what you think about this chapter, good OR bad! **

**~ChrissyJoy**


	17. Chapter 16 Gibbs

**AN: I'm back! Many apologies for the incredibly long time it's been since I last posted!! I was attacked by a combination of being busy, getting sick, writer's block, losing motivation for a while, and insane perfectionism kept me away...but no longer!! I'm finally posting again, (thanks to those who encouraged me to keep going!!!) and as there looks to be many snow days in the near future, I will be working hard on the next few chapters (which I already have planned out) over the next few days while I'm snowbound and not working! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I thank you for sticking with my story!**

**PS: I wanted to say thank you so much to those who reviewed chapter 15 (Ziva): Mirthless Laughter, Ashes of Fire, horseninja, suchrandomness, GardenRiver, NCISfic34, Jen-NCIS-Lover, SignedSealedWritten, ncistiva, and oxkickasslasxo. Your reviews, long OR short, mean so much to me!!**

**~ChrissyJoy**

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**Gibbs**

"Hey Duck." I greet him in the hallway outside Ziva's room. Abby went straight in just a moment ago, but I saw our medical examiner coming down the hallway and decided to stay outside for the moment.

"Jethro," I hear him say and I feel, rather than see him stand next to me at the window. I glance toward him in greeting, but choose to ignore him as he looks me over. "You do not look much more rested than earlier. Did you sleep at all?"

"Took a short nap; Abby napped in her room. And before you ask, no, we didn't eat yet, and yes, we will," I almost growl.

Ducky nods and I decide to change the subject before he comments on it. Sometimes he's just too fussy about these things, and while I appreciate his concern for our well-being, I'm just not in the mood to be mollycoddled right now. I nod in the direction of the room we are staring into, "How's she doing? Any change?"

"Well, I have some positive news. Not all positive, mind you, but about two hours ago when I was down in the cafeteria, she opened her eyes for a few minutes and looked at Anthony and Timothy."

A brief flicker of hope stirs before I squash it back down. "You said for a few minutes. Was she fully awake or were her eyes just open?" I ask, remembering how she semi-woke up a few days ago.

"Anthony said she looked right at him, but he couldn't tell if she recognized who he was. She turned her head to look at him at the touch of his hand, she did not respond to him in any other way."

I sigh, "Well that's a start."

Ducky nods, "Yes, indeed. Also, she does not seem to have had any more nightmares while you were gone. The nurse has been in several times to check on her and take her vitals and the doctor stopped in about an hour ago. He is not concerned about her sleeping most of the time, in fact, it is probably best so that she will not be in as much pain."

"Hmm. Okay, I'll take over now." I pause to think for a moment and take a sip of my coffee, which is thankfully still warm. "How are the others holding up, Duck?"

My friend sighs deeply, "Mr. Palmer and I ate down at the cafeteria earlier, but I don't believe Anthony or Timothy have had anything to eat. You may want to convince them to eat something…you could probably do with something to eat, as well. One cannot live on coffee, you know."

I sigh in exasperation, but give him a small grin nonetheless, "So I've heard."

"And you may want to suggest to young Anthony that he get some rest. Timothy took my advice earlier and rested a while, but Anthony refuses to break his vigil over Ziva. He would not listen to me, Mr. Palmer, or Timothy. Perhaps you can persuade him to take a break?"

McGee comes out in time to catch the last part of what Ducky says, then turns to the medical examiner and says, "Maybe he won't have to."

"What's going on?" I ask impatiently.

The younger man turns to me and responds, "Abby's in there talking to Tony, Boss, trying to get him to get some sleep. Although, I don't know if she's actually making any progress. Ziva's kinda moaning again, and I don't think Tony wants to leave her."

I push the door open and enter Ziva's room. Abby and Tony are clearly involved in either an argument or a deep discussion, but are talking too softly for me to hear them and I don't want to interrupt them just yet. Tony's head is angled away from me, but I can see Abby's face enough to lip-read most of her side of the argument.

"…_made me get some sleep _____ really helpful, so you should _____ sleep, too."_

_" … "_

"_I know you care about Ziva and ______ with her, but you need to take care of yourself, too."_

_" … "_

Even if Ducky hadn't told me, even if I hadn't seen Abby's dialogue with him, I would've known he needs to leave for a while and get some sleep. I recognize the look in his eyes, his body language – he's about ready to fall over right now. The thought briefly crosses my mind that perhaps I should get involved here, but I decide to see if Abby can convince him, first.

"_No you're not! You look like you could collapse _____, and Ziva would not be happy if you were not taking care _______. Besides, I couldn't handle it if you ____ on top of everything else. I need you, Tony; I need all of you to be okay!"_

I see my senior field agent nod his head reluctantly, and feel his pain. It was hard for me to leave the hospital earlier, too. The only reason I was able to get out of here was that Abby needed to get some rest. Otherwise, I'm not sure I would've left, either. But I'm glad Duck insisted, because I wouldn't have lasted much longer without some decent sleep.

Abby looks up at me, satisfied with Tony's non-verbal agreement. "Someone can take Tony to the hotel, right? 'Cause he definitely should _not_ be driving himself!"

Much as I want to stay with Ziva for a while, I agree with Abby's assessment of the situation and my responsibility is to the _entire_ team. Unfortunately, there's no way I can just take Tony back to the hotel then return to the hospital. Knowing Tony as I do, he probably won't actually sleep or even rest unless someone is there to make sure he will. Looks like I'll be staying at the hotel for a while again.

"DiNozzo!" I call out.

"On your six, Boss," he replies tiredly, but automatically.

Duck comes up to my side, "Jethro, I can take him to the hotel; you stay here with the others." I start to protest, but he holds up his hand. "I will make sure he rests, I assure you. And I could use the rest, too," he grins at me.

I feel like I ought to protest further, but I know that he is just as capable as I am at making the younger man take care of himself. Besides that, I know that Ducky understands how much I want—no, need to be here, and this is his sneaky way of allowing me to stay without showing it.

"Come Anthony; let us go to the hotel." He turns to me, "Jethro, don't forget to make sure everyone gets something to eat, as well."

Tony follows the elderly doctor out the door without a fuss, which proves to me how much he needs the rest.

I turn to the small group left standing around Ziva's bed. "Abby, McGee, Palmer, go get some food downstairs."

"What about you, Gibbs? You want us to bring you anything up?" Abby asks with concern in her voice.

"I'll go down when you get back. But you don't need to rush; take your time eating."

Abby and McGee nod and head out the door, but Palmer stays standing where he was.

"Agent Gibbs? I already ate just a short while ago, so I don't mind staying here if you want to go get something to eat with them."

I almost refuse automatically, but then I think about it for a moment. I don't want to leave Ziva alone, but she won't be alone. And Duck was right – I do need some non-caffeinated, non-liquid sustenance. Besides, I won't be gone for long, and Palmer can manage for a short time. I hope so, anyways. He's a little too jittery sometimes, too unsure of himself, like McGee used to be several years ago and still is at times.

"Alright, but you need anything, you call me, got it?"

"Yes, si-- Agent Gibbs," he stutters, which does little to increase my confidence about leaving him there alone with her.

I walk out toward the elevator. Halfway there, I realize I left my phone in the room, so I turn around and stride back down the hallway. I stop at the doorway, however, hearing the nervous voice inside. I look into Ziva's room and see that Palmer has moved the chair up close to the bed and is sitting there, talking to Ziva.

"…it's Palmer. Um, I'm sorry that you're hurt. I just want you to know that we're all here for you and we all want you to wake up and come back to us, ok? Tony really needed to get some sleep but he wouldn't admit it, so Agent Gibbs made him leave for a few hours. Uh, well, I'm not even sure why I'm telling you this, but just so you know that he didn't want to leave you, you know, in case you wake up and he's not here. But Abby told him that you'd get mad if he wasn't taking care of himself and that the rest of us could hold down the fort here, so to speak. It's just me right now, though. I hope you don't mind too much. Agent Gibbs took McGee and Abby to the cafeteria to get some lunch but I already ate with Doctor Mallard earlier, so I told them they could go on down. I hope you don't think it's weird, but I just wanted to be able to talk to you. I don't really get to know you guys really well, especially you, but I wanted to tell you that I hope you wake up soon and we're all here for you. So, there's not really been much going on back home. We got this strange case about week ago where this guy…"

I never knew he felt that way about Ziva or the rest of the team, and I smile at the way he is telling a story just like Ducky does. Now I am certain that Ziva's in good hands for the time being. I walk in silently, my Marine training serving me well, grab the phone and then back out into the hallway again without disturbing Palmer, then I head down the hall to join Abby and McGee in the cafeteria.

* * *

**AN2: This seemed sort of like a filler chapter to me, but there were several parts that kept bugging me to be written, like Abby's dialogue with Tony, and Palmer talking to Ziva. So, I did the best I could. Please review and tell me your thoughts on this chapter!**

**Next chapter will be either Abby's or Tony's POV, and will have Ziva waking up somewhat. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I will try not to let more than a week go by without posting. -CJ**


	18. Chapter 17a Tony

**AN:**** Here's the next chapter! NCISfic34, ncistiva, Mirthless Laughter, Garden River, animallover12, samleigh, and purple. bookworm. girl: Thank you so much for your reviews!!! **

**I got a lot of compliments on the Gibbs/Palmer/Ziva interaction in the last chapter. I'm glad I decided to keep it in there! As I mentioned to a few people already, I had that idea stuck in my head for several weeks and my muse wouldn't let me get rid of it, so I'm glad it all worked out and you liked it so much!! (Going on my soap box now…) I totally wish they'd have more of Palmer in the show! Not that I want him to be front and center, cause he is a background character, but still! He's only been in 3 or 4 shows this season (out of 9!!) That's just crazy, in my opinion! I wonder if the actor has other things going on or if the writers are writing him out…. Okay, enough ranting on my end…here's the next part of the story…**

**~ ChrissyJoy**

**Tony**

It's only been three days since we got here but things have already fallen into a routine of sorts. We take shifts, two at a time, going to the hotel and getting sleep, while the rest of us stay at the hospital. Ducky and Palmer sleep during the night, Gibbs and Abby sleep in the morning and come back in the afternoon, and the Probie and I go to the hotel in the afternoon and sleep till evening. We have to play musical cars, but we make it work, since we don't want to rent a third car.

Of course, things can't ever be _that_ easy! Today, one of the cars broke down. Well, I guess it didn't break down, really, considering it never even started! Ducky and Palmer didn't even get out of the parking space in the parking lot at the hospital. So, McGee and I are on our way to the hospital right now, as planned. The drive really isn't too bad, not too much traffic, nice and quiet…except for McTapping-his-fingers-on-the-dashboard next to me. For a moment I'm tempted to holler at him, but I figure I'll take it easy on the kid…the last few days have been really hard on all of us. And we're almost there, anyways.

Ducky and Palmer are still at the hospital waiting for us to get there, then they'll take the car we're using and go back to the hotel to get some sleep. Then Gibbs will have to wait for them to come back with the car, then he'll drive himself and Abby to the hotel. Man! Maybe we _should_ have rented a third car! I think I'll suggest this to the Boss tonight; maybe we can get another car tomorrow. Of course, I'll be sure to stand well out of his arm's reach when I do… Or maybe I won't, and we'll just get the other car fixed tomorrow and keep going like we have been. I don't really want to get on his bad side right now. I know, I know, does he have any other side? Well, with any of us but Abby, that is? But actually, when we first got here, Gibbs was acting all creepy, sort of nice, which is totally _not_ like him at all. But he's getting back to his normal self. I think the tedium of watching and waiting is wearing us all down, and it's making him grouchy – not that I'd ever say that out loud! But even I'm getting a bit crabby, to tell the truth. It's just that all this waiting and watching is so frustrating!

We walk into the hospital and take the elevator up to the third floor. Gibbs meets us in the hallway with an update. There's been no change so far: Ziva's still pretty much out of it, and she had another bad nightmare earlier.

I hand off the keys silently and move into the room on autopilot, closer to Ziva. We all know the routine by now… I get a sit rep on her status then I stay by her side till Gibbs or Abby forces me down to the cafeteria for something to eat. Then back to her room to repeat the process, until it's time to go back to the hotel. Kinda boring, I know, but there's not much I can do except sit here and watch her. I wish there was something I could do for her, but I don't even know if she knows that I'm here. Ducky says she probably isn't awake enough to know, but there've been times in the last few days when she's looked straight at me and turned at the sound of my voice. She's got to know that I'm here for her! So why won't she respond? It's like she's ignoring me!

_I'm sorry, Ziva._ I'm instantly ashamed of myself. _I know it's not your fault; it's just so hard to not be able to do anything to help you._ Okay, now I'm talking to myself, apologizing to a sleeping person, for thoughts that I had about them. _DiNozzo, pull it together! You're cracking up!_

I can't help it, though; I just feel so helpless! And trust me, that's _not _something I'm used to feeling! Every day it's the same; she just lies there, eyes open or closed – doesn't matter, she's just a body in the bed. The only time she moves is when she's startled or when she's having a nightmare or flashback. And whatever's going on in her mind, it gets her pretty terrified and makes her toss and turn, lash out at unseen monsters, and scream or moan. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could get rid of her nightmares for her. I wish I could get through to her somehow, make her understand that she's safe.

**AN: This has become a super long chapter and I'm having a tough time getting the end of it the way I want…so after several days of worrying about not being able to update yet, the thought just occurred to me today to split it in half and give you part of it right now! Enjoy this half…the rest will be up soon! Review please!**


	19. Chapter 17b Tony

**AN: Merry Christmas everyone! Happy New Year, too! This is the last chapter I'm writing this year!! ;) (I know, old joke, right?) I've been having a fun time celebrating with my family...I hope that all of you have had a great celebration and that the weather hasn't been bothering your plans too much! (I'm so glad to be out of town, where we only got about an inch of snow, cause I've already gotten way too much snow this winter where I live!!!)**

**Thank you GardenRiver, zats, Lealfaithful, ncistiva, Jen-NCIS-Lover, and NCISfic34 for reviewing the last chapter :) I appreciate you guys, as well as the rest of you who are sticking with my story and those who just found my story!! Onward!!**

**-ChrissyJoy**

* * *

**Tony (continued):**

Only the sound of the machines greets me as I come back into the room, coffee in hand. Gibbs' brew ran out yesterday, so I went in search of coffee and actually found a pretty decent coffee shop not too far from here. Since he mainlines coffee, I figured it was probably in our best interest to keep him well supplied, and not with that hospital crap, either. Not even _I_ can handle that stuff more than once or twice.

I give one cup to Gibbs, and keep one for myself. A grunt from Gibbs is all I get in return, not that I expect more than that. I look around for McGee so I can give him his coffee, but I don't see him or Abby. I'm not too worried, though. They probably went down to the cafeteria together, or went for a walk. Too bad for McGee; he'll have to drink cold coffee later. I actually admire him for helping Abby out so much, though. Abby seems to need to unwind after spending a while at the hospital, not that I blame her at all, and it's become habit for McGee to take her for a short time after we get here and he's been with Ziva for a while. So for right now, it's just the Boss and me, keeping vigil over Ziva as she sleeps on.

I don't know if she's still unconscious or just sleeping or maybe she's somewhere in between. I thought she was waking up again earlier, but she was just mumbling incoherently.

I remember when Gibbs was in that explosion all those years back and how the doctors didn't want to give him anything 'cause they wanted him to wake up. But the doctors and nurses here don't seem to care that Ziva's still sleeping all the time and they sure don't have any problems keeping her doped up on pain meds and giving her sedatives when she freaks out. Can't blame 'em, though, 'cause if I had all those injuries, I'd sure want to be knocked out. A few nurses came in earlier to change some of her bandages, dressings, whatever they're called, and I caught a glimpse of her back as they were cleaning some of her wounds. I can't believe how much she went through, and I _know_ I don't even know the half of it. Not sure if I want to, either.

* * *

I can't believe I let Abby talk me into playing blackjack with her and McGee. Where'd she learn how to play like that? Good thing we're not playing for money or I'd be in trouble! I wonder if Gibbs knows how to play—maybe he could beat Abby.

A movement from the bed catches our attention and we abandon the game to go to Ziva's side. She's stirring slightly, eyes halfway open. "Ziva," I say softly, "can you hear me? Are you awake?"

Her eyes open further but her gaze is unfocused, her eyes glassy. She stares right through me. Ziva winces and bites her lower lip hard. A moment later she cries out and tries to sit up, then falls back and cradles her injured arm with the other one.

"She looks like she's in pain," Abby says worriedly.

McGee puts his arm around her to comfort her and tries to reassure her, "I'm sure she's not in a lot of pain. She probably just moved wrong and bumped her arm."

"Are you sure? 'Cause she sure looks like she's hurting."

I speak up. "Well, they don't know for sure if she's in pain because she's not awake to tell us," I ignore the glare McGee gives me and go on, "but with the pain meds they have her on, she shouldn't be hurting too much, physically. Most likely she's having a nightmare." Not that there's much reassurance in that, of course. Many times nightmares and memories can be worse than physical pain.

Abby nods, seemingly satisfied for the moment. "Where's Gibbs?" she asks us as she looks around, noticing for the first time that he isn't in the room. "He was here, and I know he's can't be looking for new coffee, because he just got coffee not too long ago."

"He left earlier, while we were playing cards. He had to make some phone calls and he also wanted to check on the marines. He should be back soon."

Abby looks at me as I'm talking, then turns her attention back to the bed. Ziva isn't moving much right now, just tossing her head back and forth on the pillow occasionally, but her whole body is trembling slightly. "Maybe she's just cold?" she suggests hopefully.

"Yeah, maybe you should check with the nurse for another blanket," McGee suggests back to her.

I wait till Abby has left the room, then I turn on the Probie. "What on earth?"

To his credit, he doesn't feign ignorance. "I just wanted to give her something to do so she felt useful somehow."

"I know what you're doing, but stop it! She's an adult, McGee; she can handle the big, bad, ugly truth. You don't need to protect her from it."

"Well it's better than telling her that yes, Ziva is probably still in pain, and yes, she's having horrible nightmares!" he hisses at me.

"Well it's better than lying to her!"

The silence is deafening as we stare each other down. McGee fidgets uncomfortably but doesn't back down. If I weren't upset with him, I'd probably be proud.

I see his hand just a split second before I feel the contact on my head. "You two done now?"

"Yes, Boss."

"Yes, Boss. Sorry--"

"Don't apologize; it's a sign of weakness." Gibbs cuts McGee off from his apology. "Don't you two have better things to do than argue?"

Gibbs walks past us, Abby close behind him, and claims the chair closest to the bed. McGee and I look at each other, unsure of what to do, and a silent truce is passed between us. I watch Gibbs as he leans closer to Ziva and starts murmuring reassurances to her. Her eyes are filled with terror and though she's not making a lot of noise, she looks really scared and is trying to sit up. She pushes out her hand, as if to ward off enemies unseen to me or the rest of us in the room.

I walk to the other side of the bed, carefully staying out of reach of her arm, and start my own hopefully comforting monologue. "Ziva, calm down, it's okay, you're safe…"

Abby comes alongside me. "Hey, Ziva..." her voice trails off. She turns to me. "I don't know what to say!" she whispers frantically. She looks scared, and I don't know what to tell her. I don't even know what to say half the time.

"Just talk to her like you normally do, Abby," Tim answers quietly, surprising me. I didn't realize he was so close behind me. He continues, "like you've been doing when she's been sleeping the last few days."

"Ziva, it's me, Abby. So, I'm here again, waiting for you to wake up. I just want you to be okay, you know?"

To my astonishment, Ziva stills immediately. Gibbs looks up at Abby. "Keep talking, Abbs."

She takes a breath and speaks again, this time with more confidence, "So I was playing cards again earlier. I totally won. Too bad you're not able to play with us right now. Not that it's your fault or anything. It's just, you're missing out on so much stuff, and we really want you to join us in the land of the living again. I mean—well, you know, just—we want you to wake up for real. I hugged Bert for you today. He misses seeing you. I miss you, too, Ziva, and we all care about you. Please wake—"

"Abby?" a hoarse whisper comes from the bed.

All of our heads pop up at the same time and we're all staring at Ziva. Her eyes are open again, this time focused on Abby. Did she really just talk? Is she really awake?

"Ziva?" Abby asks cautiously.

Ziva's head slowly turns to look at me and McGee, then she looks to the other side where Gibbs is sitting, no, now standing by the bed. "Wha—H-How?" she stammers through dry lips, "Is—Is this real?" she asks. Her voice is still barely more than a whisper, but the pleading tone in her question is unmistakable. McGee, Abby and I exchange confused glances. What on earth?

Gibbs keeps his eyes locked on hers and reaches down to take her hand. "Yes, Ziver, this is real. I promise."

She visibly relaxes and a tear runs down her cheek. "Gibbs," she rasps, "how? What happened?"

* * *

**AN#2: Well, took a while to get to it, but Ziva's finally woken up "for real." Hope you liked it! I did. :-) And, it's gonna get even better (I hope! lol!) ...cause next chapter is Ziva's POV!!! **

**Reviews make my day! I'd love to read what you think!**


	20. Chapter 18 Ziva

**AN: Hello, for the first time in 2010!! ;) WOW! 12 reviews for the last chapter - the most I've gotten for any chapter except Ducky's POV way back when!! Y'all made my week!! :) A huge "thank you" goes out to all who reviewed: Liraeyn, Aurelie G, brittanydelko4ever, Lealfaithful, horseninja, GardenRiver, Litara, camprockrocks242, Mirthless Laughter, Jen-NCIS-Lover, xiatien, and Violets in Shadow!!! **

**Without further ado, here's Ziva's chapter...Enjoy!! **

* * *

**Ziva**

I am not sure what is real anymore. The fact that I am admitting this, though only to myself, scares me perhaps more than anything. There is no longer as much pain, and my head feels clearer than it has in a long time, yet I am more confused than ever.

On the one—what is it? Side? Arm? No, hand! Yes, on the one hand, there are times I am quite certain I am still being held in the cell. I can see my captors' faces so close to mine. I hear their questions, their insults, their laughter all around me. I feel the pain from their blows; smell the cigar smoke and the stench of the damp cell and the filth that surrounds me.

On the other hand, there are times I almost believe I am in a hospital, with my old team from NCIS. Except that it is not possible. How could they be here with me? But then how can I see them so clearly at times, along with the unmistakable pain and tears in their eyes as they look at me. I hear beeping of machines in the small room; I hear the concern in their voices and their pleading cries for me to speak to them.

I feel hands on mine occasionally, which bring comfort and fear at the same time, for they feel warm and gentle, but I do not know if they are real, or worse, if they belong to my captors.

I do not know what to think or what to believe. If I am no longer being held captive, how did that come to be? There is no way Gibbs or any of the others could have found me, nor rescued me. It is not possible. Not that they would want to in the first place; I do not deserve it after the way I treated them. But if I am still in this place, then why am I …

I hear the door slam and he enters with two others. I do not bother raising my head; even if I had enough energy to do so, I would not acknowledge him. They come at me with knives and I work to hide the pain as they attack me once again. No questions are asked any more, there is only pain. Suddenly the ropes are cut away from my wrists and ankles. They pull me roughly from the chair and throw me onto the ground. I land on my shoulder and I cannot help but cry out. I know what is coming next, though, and I get a sudden surge of strength as I try to push myself up into a defensive position of some sort. One of the others kicks me squarely in the chest and I fall back down, unable to even breathe for several long moments. They pin me to the ground. I attempt to kick them away with my free leg, to push them aside, keep them away from me. He shouts at me to be still and I fight harder. I hear his voice, and many others surrounding me. And another voice…a female's voice…wait, what? How can that be? The voice has stopped now, but I still wonder where it came from. There are no other females here that I know of. Unless another has been taken…

The voice has started talking again. It sounds so familiar, yet I cannot quite put it place.

…_playing cards again earlier. I totally won. Too bad you're not able to play with us right now… _

With whom would I be playing cards? I think my mind is finally lost.

…_you're missing out on so much stuff, and we really want you to join us in the land of the living…_

Land of the living? What is she talking about? Am I…

_...I hugged Bert for you today. He misses seeing you. I miss you, too, Ziva… _

Who is Bert? …Oh, right, Abby's stuffed hippo. Wait… "Abby?" my eyes widen in wonder as I stare into the face above mine.

"Ziva?" She looks as shocked as I am. So do the others. I don't understand. It can't be, can it?

"Wha—H-How?" A thousand questions run through my mind, but I cannot seem to make my mouth work properly. I need to know what the truth is, and so I turn to the one I have always been able to trust. "Is—Is this real?" I beg. _Please let it be true. I don't care how; let the nightmare be over._

He holds my hand and looks straight at me, "Yes, Ziver, this is real. I promise."

He used his special name for me. My imagination would not have done that. They are truly here and I am safe. I want to weep with relief, but hold myself together the best I can. "Gibbs, how? What happened?" I ask. My throat is sore and I ache all over, but I need answers.

"What do you remember?" he questions me.

_Everything._ I look away."I was on a mission…we were compromised…" _It never should have happened. I should have known he would betray us…_ "They tried to get information from us…" _They split us up, took us to different areas…_ I shudder with the memories and deliberately move my thoughts in a different direction. "How did I get out?"

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**AN2: What did you think? Review and let me know! :)** **Gibbs' POV will be next, with discussion between him and Ziva about what happened and most likely some interaction between Ziva and the team, as well.**

**~ChrissyJoy**


	21. Chapter 19a Gibbs

**AN#1:**** Hi there! I'm back! Here's the next chapter – This was a tough chapter to figure out, but I'm finally satisfied with this part of it, and I hope you all enjoy!! Like Tony's POV a few chapters back, this one is split into two parts, also. A few more kinks to work out, and the 2****nd**** part will be up this weekend, I promise. Thank you for reading, thank you in advance for reviewing! **

**I try to respond to all reviews, but I've fallen way behind due to "life" (see AN#2 at the end!) – please know that even if I didn't respond to your review yet, I really appreciate reading them!! Specifically, thank you to Mirthless Laughter, GardenRiver, horseninja, Pearl sun, ncistiva, Lealfaithful, Jen-NCIS-Lover, NCISfic34, and Violets in Shadow for your reviews for the last chapter!**

**~ ChrissyJoy **

* * *

**Gibbs' POV:**

"Abby?"

Shocked at hearing her voice, I'm on my feet before I realize it. Her eyes are opened and seem focused for the first time since I arrived.

"Ziva?" Abby asks cautiously.

Ziva looks at Abbs for a long moment, turns to DiNozzo and McGee, and then turns her head to the left, her gaze settling on me. "Wha—H-How? …Is—Is this real?" she whispers hesitantly.

I can clearly see the fear and doubt in her eyes, and in an instant, I realize she must think she's hallucinating. After all, she wouldn't expect us to be here with her. We're _supposed_ to be in the US, solving crimes. Not that I mind being here with her; despite all the things that happened in the last few months, especially the events leading up to her departure, I know for a fact that _everyone_ on the team still cares about her and wants to be here with her…. But maybe she doesn't know that.

I take her hand gently in mine and look straight at her, hoping she sees the sincerity in my eyes, "Yes, Ziver, this is real. I promise."

Her hand which was trembling just a moment ago goes limp and her whole body seems to deflate. "Gibbs, how— What happened?"

Not only is it good to hear her voice again, I'm glad that she remembers us. The doctors were concerned about possible memory loss due to the injuries to her head. However, for once I'm at a complete loss for words. '_What happened?' _she asked. _Yeah, well where do I even start?_ I wonder to myself. I usually pride myself in always being in control of the situation: either I know what needs to be said, or I don't need to speak, or I just don't bother to say anything. But right now, I'm completely stuck. I'm unsure of what she knows, what she wants to know and what I should tell her. I saw the tears she tried to hide. She seems so fragile and I don't know how much she can handle. I opt for what seems like the safest thing to say for now, "What do you remember?"

She turns away from me, carefully avoiding the others' eyes, too. That alone tells me a lot."I was on a mission…we were compromised…

I watch her as she sorts through memories, trying to put things into words, trembling the whole time. "…they tried to get information from us…"

I shudder involuntarily at the images that run through my mind from her words, especially when I think of the extent of her injuries. Ziva looks at me again. "How did I get out? How did you find—," her questions are interrupted by a series of coughs.

DiNozzo hands her a cup of water, holding the straw to her mouth as she drinks.

Is it wrong that I'm glad for the interruption to her question?

She swallows several sips then removes her hand from mine and pushes the cup away weakly, briefly making eye contact with him. "_Toda_," she whispers.

There's a small glimmer of light in his eye and a smile on his face as he gazes back into her eyes. "_Prego_," he replies with an exaggerated accent.

I'm shocked to see her look fully at him and smile in return. It's clear to me there's some significance in their exchange, even though I have no idea what it is. I'm glad to see both of them smiling again, though.

I nod to the doctor, standing silently in the doorway, watching my two agents—I mean, my senior agent and—no, whatever happened, she's still on my team and that's all there is to it. I know things are more complicated than that, but since when have I ever cared about politics? Just watch me let her stay behind again. Over my dead body; I'm not leaving _anyone_ behind this time.

The doctor and a nurse enter the room. He greets us, then turns his attention to his patient, "Hello, Ms. David. It is good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"I am fine….well, perhaps a little sore," Ziva amends her original statement as I glare at her.

"Ziva…" I say warningly, but without too much heat. There's no way 'a little sore' even comes close to what she must be feeling, but I know it's just her way of dealing with things, hiding her pain, staying in control.

"Fine, my shoulder hurts and my ribs ache. It is nothing to have worry about."

"'Nothing to worry about,' Ziva," Tony corrects.

Ziva looks satisfied with herself. "Yes, that is what I said. As I said before, I am fine."

Abby giggles and McGee moves closer and tries to reason with her. "You're not fine, Ziva. Tony was just correcting your English. You have broken ribs, you have a broken arm, your shoulder and knee—"

"I have had broken bones before. I am fine," she says stubbornly, the slight wince belying her statement.

Tony sighs, "You know, you could…"

"Perhaps I could examine Miss David for a moment? We also need to change her bandages." I only half listen to the doctor as they bicker in the background, a sound I'm surprisingly glad to hear again. Any other day, I'd be headslapping all of them.

"You need us to leave?" I ask gruffly, focusing back on him, trying to hide my emotions, my desire to stay.

"Perhaps for a few minutes? Or just some space?" he requests tentatively.

I must've spoken sharper than I intended to and scared him. Well, I'll clear the room as much as possible, but I'm not leaving Ziva alone. "McGee, Abbs," I interrupt them, "go get something to eat."

Abby starts to protest, but I hold up my hand to stop the onslaught of words I know are ready to pour from her mouth. "Go. Give the doctor some space. You can come right back."

Abby pouts slightly but lets herself be led out of the room by McGee. I can't help but think of Kelly and how she used to pout when she wanted something Shan or I wouldn't give her. My heart would break at that look, but I knew I needed to stay firm.

I shake my head and snap myself out of those thoughts before I get in too deep.

I step close to Ziva again. "Ziva, the doctor needs to look at you and check on your dressings." If it were me, I'd probably want privacy, not wanting anyone else to see all my injuries. But I want to give her the choice. "You want us to stay with you or leave the room?"

I feel DiNozzo's gaze on me, but I keep my eyes fixed on Ziva. She looks uncertain, her brown eyes troubled. I see the desire to be alone and the conflicting fear of being alone with a stranger.

"I—I don't…I think—," she pauses and bites her lip, then looks up at me hesitantly, "stay here, please?"

"Absolutely," I tell her.

* * *

**AN#2:** **So, did you like it? More coming soon, I promise! This weekend!! After that....not quite sure when.**

**_Update on my writing status:_ ****Crazy and busy seem to be the two best words to describe my life right now… I recently got a second job, and while it's only part-time, it's enough to fill most of the free spaces I used to have in my schedule. Combine that with getting a tooth pulled last month, followed by several weeks of severe pain from needing a root canal, and then getting the root canal done…well, like I said – crazy and busy. And, as I mentioned, I had a tough time getting this chapter to the point where I was happy with it…maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist!?!**

**Anyways, I ****am**** still working on this story, but updates will definitely be a few weeks apart. I do have a general plan for where I'm going with the story, I have at least 7 or 8 more chapters planned for it, and most importantly, I still have the desire to keep writing this story, and to get to the "end" (wherever that may be – we shall see! Lol!) I just wanted to let all of you who are following my story know that I'm still working on it, even if you don't see a new chapter for a several weeks. Thank you for your continued patience, and for sticking with the story! And again, thanks for reviews! They make my day!**

**Until the next chapter…**

**~ChrissyJoy**


	22. Chapter 19b Gibbs

**AN:**** I truly believe dentists are evil. Root canal (pt2 of the 1****st**** one) happened yesterday. Evil, I tell you. Almost as evil as not having new NCIS episodes for 2 weeks because of the Olympics! (At least, that's the reason I've heard for having to wait.) Boo… Not that I have anything against the Olympics itself, mind you, but not giving us new episodes is just evil! Oh well, maybe I'll take the time to re-watch the last four episodes of season 6 so I can sort out more clearly in my head what exactly Gibbs, Tony, and Ziva were thinking and feeling, so I can better plan for and write their conversations in this story. My mind's been influenced by season 7 events, so I need to get back to the basics again, lol! **

**Okay, ranting aside, here's the next chapter. It continues Gibbs' POV almost immediately from the previous chapter. Thank you horseninja, Lealfaithful, DallasSteele, Athosian, Phaerre, Mirthless Laughter, and GardenRiver for your reviews last chapter!! **

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**Previously (Gibbs' POV):**

"_You want us to stay with you or leave the room?" _

"_I—I don't…I think—," she pauses and bites her lip, then looks up at me hesitantly, "stay here, please?"_

"_Absolutely," I tell her._

**Gibbs' POV (continued)**

Over the last ten minutes or so, DiNozzo and I have migrated from our original positions by the window over to the bed. The doctor's been checking her out and she's been doing alright, better than I expected, actually, but I can see her anxiety level gradually rising. So we've been moving in, sometimes holding or just touching her hand, sometimes talking to her, always letting her know that we're still here for her.

DiNozzo has now claimed the chair for himself and he's talking to Ziva about random movies. At times, I see Ziva watching the doctor or nurse, other times she's staring off in the distance or looking tentatively at me, but she's been avoiding Tony's eyes almost the whole time. Equally concerning to me, he doesn't even seem to notice, since he's not looking straight at her, either.

These two probably have the most issues to work through together, but still, seeing them so awkward…it's just not what I'm used to. The teasing back and forth a short while ago was a welcome sound—I _must_ be insane for even thinking that! The lack of sleep must be catching up—but I know that was just superficial. There's a lot they'll have to talk about before things even get close to being back to our normal. I see a lot of guilt in each of their eyes, but I'm not sure how much of that is guilt they ought to be feeling and how much is misplaced.

Movement outside of the room catches my attention. I see Abby and McGee out in the hallway, along with Ducky and Palmer. I look at my watch in amazement. I didn't realize my shift was over. Usually I'm good at keeping track of passing time, with or without a watch, but apparently not today.

The doctor is just finishing up, so I nod my head toward them, and they enter the room en masse.

Ziva follows my gaze. "Hello Abby, McGee," she nods slightly to each of them. Her eyes widen as she sees the others. "Doc—Ducky?" Ziva corrects herself. "Jimmy? What are you all doing here?" her brow is furrowed and confusion is evident in her voice.

"Hey, Ziva," Palmer greets her.

"Ziva," Ducky says warmly, "it is so good to see you awake, my dear."

Abby is literally bouncing up and down with excitement. "See, I told you she's awake!" she says to Ducky. "Gibbs, how is she? Is she okay? What did the doctor say?"

"'She' is right here, and 'she' can hear you," Ziva says irritably, under her breath.

Abby's voice turns apologetic, "I'm sorry, Ziva, I didn't mean to ignore you, I'm just so happy that you're okay! Well, I mean, I know that you're not _okay,_ okay, but you know what I mean?"

I move to intercept the Gothic bundle of energy, as she skips to the side and almost runs into the doctor, who is leaving the room. I put my hands on her shoulders in hopes of steadying her somewhat. "Abby, calm down," I order. I glare at McGee over her shoulders._ What on earth did you let her have down at the cafeteria? Concentrated caffeine?_ McGee's eyes widen innocently as he shrugs his shoulders.

Abby relaxes in my grip. "Okay, I'm calm. I'm just excited, that's all." I release her and she moves up to the bed. "Can I give you a hug, Ziva, please? I'm not gonna hurt you, am I? I'll be really careful, I promise!"

"Abigail, perhaps that's not such a good idea right now," Ducky cautions.

"No," Ziva interrupts, her voice soft but strong, "it is alright. Abby, I would like very much to have a hug."

Abby walks to the other side of the bed, then leans over and carefully wraps her arm around Ziva's neck. She buries her face in Ziva's good shoulder.

Ziva chews her lip and a few tears run down her cheek. "I cannot believe you are all here. What—Why are you here?"

Abby straightens up. "Because we care about you!" she declares.

"We heard about you and came out here. We were worried about you, Ziva," Tony tells her.

"But how?" Ziva brushes her hand across her face to wipe away the stray tears. "How did I get out of…that place? How is it that you are here? Tell me," she demands in a pleading tone, looking at me.

"A team of Navy SEALs went into a terrorist camp to rescue some marines captured there. They found the marines…and some Mossad officers, as well. They got you all out and took you to the hospital. NCIS was notified about the marines and about your presence there," s_ince you are, or used to be, one of us,_ I think to myself, "and Vance gave us time off to come see you," I finish the summary of the recent events.

She is silent a moment. "The others? Yosef and Nathaniel?"

"Nathaniel is here at the hospital. He has suffered many injuries, too, but he will heal. Both Gibbs and I have spoken to him. Nice fellow," Ducky answers. "I do not know about Yosef. There was another, though, Reuben…he was…" he hesitates and shoots a me a questioning look.

"He is dead, yes?" Ziva spits out, her eyes narrowed in anger. "If he is not dead, I will kill him myself!"

The venom in her voice pierces the room. I see Abby flinch at the obvious hatred in Ziva's voice and back up to the wall, and McGee and Palmer look terrified. Even Tony and Ducky take a reflexive step backward.

I stand my ground, both concerned for her and knowing there must be a reason for these strong feelings. "Ziva, what happened? What do you know?"

She starts speaking angrily in Hebrew, writhing on the bed, trying to get enough leverage to sit up.

"Ziva, you need to calm down," Tony steps forward again.

"I will **not** calm down! Where is he?" she yells in response, followed by more yelling in Hebrew again.

"_We were compromised…" _Her words from earlier come back to me and I wonder to myself if he was the one who screwed up their mission, whether it be intentionally or unintentionally. If that's the case, her anger is certainly understandable. But as agitated as she is, I'm afraid she might hurt herself further.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the doctor approaching the bed, syringe ready, most likely a sedative. "David! Calm down!" I order sharply.

She obeys instantly, blinking up at me in surprise. I feel bad for the way I had to speak to her, for the pain I see in her expression, but I had to get her under control. "I promise I'll tell you what you need to know, but you need to stay calm, and tell me what you know, too. Can you do that?"

She swallows hard, and I can almost see her burying her emotions under that mask of hers. "Yes, Gibbs. I—I am sorry for my outburst. It will not happen again," she replies in a quiet, controlled voice. I see the doctor's surprised face at the sudden change.

"Reuben _is_ dead." As I anticipated, the lines of tension on her face disappear at this statement. "He was found dead at the compound when our guys got in there. Nathaniel was conscious and able to identify him."

I wait several minutes for her to speak, but when she doesn't, I break the silence. "What did he do, Ziver?"

She answers in a low voice, long pauses between sentences, "Adalia told me he was gone for too long, she suspected he might be… I trusted him, I did not think… Nathaniel and I did not believe her, but Yosef volunteered to follow him...he did not return when…"

Abby has tears in her eyes and I see Ducky gather her in his arms, comforting her. I spare a glance at the rest of my team. Palmer looks lost, while DiNozzo and McGee look angry and upset with the news.

"… we were not supposed to attack until the next day," Ziva swallows hard, "I had hoped… but then we were ambushed, attacked.."

"Ziva," Tony tries to get her attention, but she continues as if he didn't exist.

"…we fought hard, but we couldn't fight our way out…and Adalia …" her voice breaks and her face crumples in grief. She covers her eyes with her hand, turning her head away from us.

I stroke her hair gently and she flinches away. In the time it takes for me to remove my hand from hers and shift positions, she wipes the tears away and looks back at me, mask back in place. "I think I would like to get some sleep. Alone."

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**AN2:**** What did you think? Reviews are always appreciated!! **

**I have no clue yet who the next POV in the story will be from, though I'm leaning towards Tony or Ducky. Possibly Ziva, but I just did her, so I'm not sure. And I want to move the story forward, not revisit what I've already written. Suggestions are always welcome… and I might even use one! lol! ;) **

**Thanks for reading! Until the next chapter… **

**~ ChrissyJoy**


	23. Chapter 20 Abby

**A.N.: I'm back with another chapter! Thanks for your patience. Thank you Garden River, Mirthless Laughter, horseninja, Violets in Shadow, arocha, Antebellum Soldier, and Candy Ride-DiNozzo for your reviews! ****Hope you all enjoy Abby in this chapter :)**

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**Abby's POV:**

_"I think I would like to get some sleep. Alone."_

Tony steps forward, "Ziva, are you—"

"I said I wish to be alone." Ziva turns her head away. "Please. Leave."

I feel bad for Tony. He looks like a kicked puppy. I know he cares a lot for Ziva, a lot more than he lets on, I think. But I think that Ziva really does need some alone time. She's been through a lot! So I go up to her and hug her gently. "We'll see you later, Ziva. Sleep well," I tell her.

"C'mon guys," I instruct the others. "Let's let her get some rest. Everybody outside!"

"But—"

I give Timmy my best glare and he backs down and silently follows me out. Once we're all in the hallway, I turn around and give further orders. "You guys keep watch over her, but don't disturb her right now! She needs her rest. Gibbs and I are going to go back to the hotel. We'll be back at sixteen-hundred."

Oh no! It just occurred to me that I should probably check with Gibbs before ordering everyone around. I hope he's not mad at me—well, he doesn't usually get mad at me, but he can get annoyed often. I look over to him and relax as I see Gibbs hiding a smirk, most likely because of how I just ordered "the troops" about. Of course, maybe he's trying not to laugh at the others. If I wasn't so concerned for Ziva, I'd probably be laughing at everyone's expressions. Tony and Tim look a bit weirded out and Timmy's face is scrunched up in confusion. It's kinda cute on him. Palmer seems unsure of what to do and keeps looking back and forth at everyone else for a hint. Ducky's a bit concerned or confused, I'm not quite sure which.

I fold my arms and stare at them, "What's the matter?"

Tim glances at Tony, then me, "We just—we didn't think you'd—"

"We thought we'd have to drag you out of there once Ziva woke up," Tony says.

Gibbs reaches out and slaps Tony upside the head.

Huh, talk about the pot calling the kettle black! _They_ were the ones trying to argue with Ziva, with me, trying to stay in the room! But I understand a little – I'm the one who never wants to leave one of our teammates if they're hurt. But it wasn't like I didn't want to stay, I just was so glad she was acting normal again after that—well, breakdown, I guess—I wanted to honor her request! Of course I care about her…

"Duck, you have the keys to the car?"

"Of course, Jethro."

"DiNozzo, McGee, with me."

Huh? Why are they coming with us? Our shift is over, not theirs. I go over to him ask what the plan is. I've tried to tell him before that the rest of us aren't so good at mind reading, but he still expects it of everyone most of the time. Apparently _he's_ still good at mind reading, though, cause he explains before I get a chance to open my mouth to ask him.

"DiNozzo, McGee, you will drop us off at the hotel then get the other car fixed. Then one of you can pick us up this afternoon."

Aha! Mystery solved. It'll be good to have two cars again, 'cause it's been irritating having only the one car. Tony looks like he's gonna argue, but the boss-man has already started down the hall, so there's nothing to do but follow and catch up with him. I call shotgun when we get out to the car. Tony and Tim don't argue, and Tim even opens the door for me. There's silence the whole way to the hotel, and my thoughts just won't stop flying around.

It's just so crazy. I've known Ziva for four years, and I've _never_ seen her show even _a tenth_ of the emotions she just displayed in the last ten minutes. One moment she was irritated, then she was sad, then angry, then suddenly calm, and then back to really sad again. And I gotta admit, I'm more than just a bit freaked out right now. Ziva's _scary_ when she's mad, and she was seriously ticked off at that guy, Rueben! But scarier still, in a scary-weird way, is when Ziva started to cry. Ziva? Crying? I don't think I've _ever_ seen Ziva cry, much less break down like she just did. I know that she's been through a lot of horrible stuff, so I kinda get that she'd be so upset. _Anyone_ would be! I don't think I could handle even_ half_ of what she's been through! But that's the thing…she's not _anyone_; she's Ziva! She's so strong and perfectly in control all the time. Even when Tony killed Rivkin, sure Ziva was upset, but she was still pretty calm about it. Kinda icy-calm, I guess. I don't know what her relationship with him really was, but either way, she wasn't really that emotional, which just went to reinforce my thoughts that she was pretty unfeeling.

Up until now I didn't really think she was even _capable_ of a lot of emotions, but now…now I've got this picture in my head of her crying, and I can't stop thinking of all the times I've misjudged her. Like when Gibbs was in that explosion; I got so mad and slapped her for being so callous about his condition and the fact he might have died. And the time there was that super-soldier-guy who was actually high on who-knows-what drugs who almost killed Tim and Tony and Ziva...

--

_Are you defending him? He attacked for no reason—he's a killing machine!_

_He's a marine! Who was willing to give up everything__for his country! We have a responsibility to him!_

_Oh, spare me the samurai code of honor! Noble, respect for your combatant—it's honorable, but he tried to kill Tony, and he tried to kill McGee…._

_And me, too. Believe me, we are fine. Calm down._

_Ziva, can't you just let me get it out for a second? I mean, I'm not like you. I'm not some totally emotionless, perfect warrior._

--

I still remember the hurt expression on her face as I turned away from her to storm back down to my lab. It didn't really hit me till later, after Ducky had calmed me down and gotten me to look at things a different way. I did apologize later, but I didn't fully get it then. Maybe I still don't get it.

"Abbs, we're here," Gibbs' low voice breaks my reverie.

I look up into his worried face and barely hold back a groan. How long have I been sitting, daydreaming? He's on my side of the car leaning against the open door, and Tony's already in the driver's seat. McGee's standing outside the car, too. How embarrassing!

"Just daydreaming," I say cheerily, trying to dispel their worries and head off any attempts at conversation.

I get out and watch McGee get in and I wave as they pull out of the parking lot.

Gibbs turns to face me. "You okay, Abbs?"

"Not really, I just have a lot to think about and process, Gibbs. Sleep sounds really good right now," I tell him honestly as we head into the hotel. As usual, he doesn't say anything, but just nods and leads the way upstairs.

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**A.N.#2: ****Thank you for your concerns and sympathy regarding my dental issues...the root canals are finally DONE!! Right now we're working on fillings, and then they might do the crowns (if I can afford it all, lol!) **

**Next chapter is Ziva's POV, and will probably be super short, unless my muse knows something I don't, lol. That's gonna be up by the end of next week. **

**I'm still just as busy as ever, so updates will probably have some time in between them, but here's a sneak peak on some things to look forward to after Ziva's chapter next…Tony's POV, then Ducky's or Gibbs' POV (undecided still), then finally we'll get to see Ziva really talking with one of the team members (not quite sure whose POV that'll be either). Thank you all for your patience and for reading and reviewing my story.**

**~ChrissyJoy**


	24. Chapter 21 Ziva

**A.N.:**** I hope you all had a great Easter this past weekend! I worked a lot, but eh, at least it pays the bills, right? (Especially all those dental bills! shudders) And I did get to go to church and enjoy a wonderful service, and "my" kiddos did great singing their song! I also had fun playing handbells for one of our services.**

**So, it turns out this chapter did turn out longer than I anticipated, but it also went in a slightly different direction than I first thought it would, hence the delay. This one isn't really in present tense all the time, but that's because Ziva's thinking about things in the past. I hope the grammar isn't too messed up or confusing to you (seemed fine to me, but you never know, lol!) Oh well, just blame any mistakes on Ziva being on drugs and/or her English not being that good! (Yeah, that's right, I meant to put those things in there!!) lol!**

**Thank you to Mirthless Laughter, horseninja, ncis29, Jen-NCIS-Lover, Liraeyn, Lealfaithful, and Violets in Shadow, for reviewing the last chapter! Onward...**

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****Ziva's POV**

I am glad they are gone for the moment. I need to get my thoughts and emotions together before dealing with them again. I cannot handle this—this weakness. I have shown enough weakness for a lifetime. I cannot believe I _cried_ – and in front of them, no less. It must be the drugs they are giving me.

Still, I should not show weakness. There is no excuse. My fa—the director would be terribly disappointed in me. I need to report to him. I wonder what Mossad has been told…if he—they know of my failure yet. Has Nathaniel given his report already? Has Mossad been notified of the outcome of the mission? It does not surprise me that they did not come for us; what does surprise me is that Gibbs and the others did come. Why? Why did they come? And all of them? I have done nothing to deserve their kindness, and I left them and stayed in Israel.

I should have seen it, honestly. I was wrong again, just like I was wrong about Ari. I believed that Michael could not be as bad as Tony said, that Tony was merely jealous. I did not wish to lie to Gibbs or Tony; I tried not to. I could not see what he was doing. Why could I not see it? Gibbs saw it, Tony saw it, so why not me? Perhaps I was in love? Tony asked me that question when we were in Tel Aviv. I do not know if I truly loved him. I thought I did, or maybe it was just that I knew him and he knew me, understood me. I didn't have to explain myself to him or worry about explaining my past…we shared most of our past. I liked him most of the time. I do not know if I loved him, but I did believe I could trust him. I believed I could save him. And I was wrong. Again. Hadar was right. I am to blame.

--

_Rivkin was in chaos. You knew, and yet you decided not to tell your father. You tried to protect Rivkin, but in truth you are the reason he is dead. …Rivkin killed an American agent. You knew this, and still you did not report him!_

_I called you and I told you to remove him!_

_Too late! By then we could not get him out of the country! All we could do was clean up after him—and you._

_There is no one left to blame…stop looking._

--

I do not know what is worse, though, that I misjudged him so badly or that the director, _my father_, lied to me about Michael's mission here. I should have expected that part. I trusted Michael, and though I was wrong about him, we had worked many operations before and he had never given me cause to doubt him, which is why I did not want to believe the others who said he had gone rogue. But once I realized he was out of control, I should have known my father was behind it all…

---

_I do not want to lie to him, Michael._

_A small lie. …Your father sends his love._

_What else does my father send?_

_Me._

---

_You send all your rogue agents to D.C.? Make it our mess, huh? I guess I shouldn't be surprised about Rivkin, considering you did the same thing with Ari, and he was your son. Speaking of family, what kind of a father would throw an out of control assassin at his own daughter? What kind of a business are you running here, huh? Everyone just runs around doing whatever they want? _

_They do as I say._

_Rivkin?_

_Always!_

--

How blind could I be? My own father played me, just as he always did. He kept his hold on me as I was growing up, throughout all of my Mossad training always controlling everything. He manipulated me to get rid of Ari, even though he ended up being right about that. He set me up with Rivkin. I could not believe it when Tony, of all people, got him to admit Rivkin was under his own orders. My father, the mighty, falling prey to Tony's unorthodox methods, being interrogated and trapped by the one he was interrogating.

And after it all, even after realizing he betrayed me, only wanted to control me, I _still_ followed him… I even told Gibbs that my father betrayed me, yet I made him leave me behind--the man who gave me a place to belong and has taught me so much about family and people I can trust. I left that team and stayed behind to follow my father– the man who has used me all my life. He demanded my allegiance and I gave it to him. And to what end? …A mission that failed because my judgment was once again lacking; one officer dead; most definitely a dismissal from Mossad, which leaves me wondering what I will do once I fully heal, since I left NCIS and I know they will not take me back. I do not blame them; I cannot be trusted as an officer or investigative agent.

However, I do not understand why they all came so far to see me. I cannot explain it. And the sympathy I saw in their eyes…why? I do not deserve it. At least now that I am out of that horrible place and they are here, I will get a chance to attempt to right things with Tony and Gibbs and the others.

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**A.N.#2: Yes, Ziva might seem OOC here, but remember all that she's been through, and how much she seems to keep bottled up inside of her...to me this chapter of her thoughts made sense in light of those things. Please review and tell me what you thought!!**

**Positive r****eviews are loved and welcomed, constructively critical reviews are welcomed, flames are neither. ;) **

**ChrissyJoy :)**


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